Harold And Maude Script - Screenplay

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HAROLD AND MAUDE

SCREENPLAY BY COLIN HIGGINS

5/29/70







	FADE IN:

1	INT. THE CHASEN'S DEN - DAY

	The CAMERA is at floor level. A young man enters but we
	see only his shoes and the cuffs of his pants. We TRACK
	with him as he walks across the room and stops at a record
	player. Pause. We HEAR a record drop and begin playing
	a light classical melody. The SUPERIMPOSED TITLES BEGIN.
	After a moment the feet move off and we TRACK with them,
	past a low table, and around a couch to the window curtains.
	The feet pause there for a moment. A piece of heavy
	window cord drops INTO FRAME. We FOLLOW as it is dragged
	along to the low table. Then the feet move over to a large
	ornate desk. The cord is pulled up OUT OF FRAME. Pause.
	The feet walk over to a chair by the wall. It is picked
	up, carried to the center of the room, and carefully
	placed. Pause. The feet get up onto the chair and the
	CAMERA RISES to their level. They shuffle about for a
	moment. At an appropriate musical break the CREDITS STOP.
	Suddenly the feet knock over the chair and drop into
	space. They kick about for a bit, then go slack and still.
	The FINAL CREDITS are SUPERED OVER the suspended appendages
	while the music comes to a lilting conclusion. As we HEAR
	the record player turn itself off, the CAMERA BEGINS a
	half circle tour around the hanging feet and stops at the
	heels. Pause. Outside we HEAR a woman's footsteps
	approaching and we change focus as the door to the den
	opens. Through the blurred hanging feet we see a tall,
	middle-aged, fashionably dressed woman enter and we PAN
	with her as she walks to the desk. This is MRS. CHASEN.
	She seems rather tired and preoccupied as she begins to
	remove her long white gloves. Slowly the CAMERA BEGINS a
	vertical rise up the side of the hanging corpse until we
	are watching Mrs. Chasen over his left shoulder. The rope
	and his stretched neck frame the right side of the SCREEN.
	We hold. Mrs. Chasen puts down her gloves and looks up.
	(NOTE: THE ABOVE IS ALL ONE CONTINUOUS SHOT.)

						CUT TO:


2	INT. DEN - DAY

	CLOSEUP of Mrs. Chasen as she first sees the body. She is
	slightly startled.


3	INT. DEN - MRS. CHASEN'S POV - DAY

	A long shot of the room where HAROLD, a young man of about
	twenty, hangs suspended from the ceiling with the curtain
	rope tied about his grotesquely broken neck.


4	INT. DEN - MEDIUM SHOT - MRS. CHASEN - DAY

	She stares at the body for several beats and then with
	weary exasperation sits down at the desk and dials the
	telephone. As she waits for an answer, she looks up at the
	hanging body.

				MRS. CHASEN
		I suppose you think this is very
		funny, Harold.


5	CLOSEUP HAROLD

	The rope chokes his throat; his eyes bulge; his tongue
	hangs out.


6	MED. SHOT - MRS. CHASEN

	Her party answers and she speaks into the phone.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Hello. Fay, darling. Be a dear
		and cancel my appointment with
		Rene this afternoon. Yes, I know
		he'll be furious, but I've had
		the most trying day, and with
		guests coming this evening...
		Would you? Oh, that's sweet.
		Tell him I promise to be in
		Tuesday... for a rinse. Thank
		you, Fay. You're a darling. Yes.
		Yes. Bye.

	She replaces the receiver, stands up, takes her purse and
	gloves, and leaves the room, saying:

				MRS. CHASEN
		Dinner at eight, Harold...

	At the door she stops and turns.

				MRS. CHASEN
		... And try to be a little more
		vivacious.


7	CLOSEUP HAROLD

	Quick cut of his ashen face as we HEAR the door close.


8	INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT

	Mrs. Chasen is seated at the head of the table entertaining
	eight to ten guests.

	They are all in evening clothes and are laughing as Mrs.
	Chasen in a dress of white ostrich feathers continues a
	witty story.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Needless to say, the first time it
		happened I was absolutely abashed.
		I was so shook I needed three
		tranquilizers to calm me down.
		Well, you can imagine. Suicide
		notes all over the house - "Goodbye,"
		"Farewell," "Arrivederci." Other
		children pretend to run away from
		home, but Harold - he's so dramatic.

	Everyone laughs. The CAMERA BEGINS PULLING BACK and
	PANNING past the guests till we come to Harold sitting
	morosely at the other end of the table. He listlessly toys
	with his food as his mother continues.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Of course, Harold's father had a
		similar sense of the absurd. I
		remember once in Paris he stepped
		out for cigarettes and the next I
		hear he's arrested for floating
		nude down the Seine - experimenting
		in river currents with a pair of
		yellow rubber water wings. Well,
		that cost quite a little bit of
		"enfluence" and "d'argent" to
		hush up, I can tell you. Harold,
		dear, stop playing with your food.
		Don't you feel well?

				HAROLD
			(looks up and
			pauses)
		I have a sore throat.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Well, I want you to go to bed
		directly after dinner. You know
		how susceptible you are to colds.
		Harold has always been a delicate
		child. Even as a baby he seemed
		to be abnormally prone to illness
		- Harold, dear, eat up your beets...


9	CLOSEUP - HAROLD

	He begins eating as his mother goes on.

				MRS. CHASEN (o.s.)
		I remember when we were in Tokyo
		I had to call my brother Victor
		at the embassy for a doctor. He
		was serving there as Army attaché...

						FADE OUT.


	FADE IN:

10	INT. MRS. CHASEN'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

	Mrs. Chasen sitting before her vanity table, humming to
	herself as she readies herself for bed. She wears a night-
	gown, a cover for her hair, and she has just finished
	putting on several different face creams. She gets up,
	walks over to the bathroom, and opens the door. Blood is
	everywhere -- on the walls, the floor, the mirror - and in
	the tub is Harold, his throat slit and his wrists dripping
	blood onto the razor on the tile floor. The effect is one
	of instant shock. Mrs. Chasen screams and backs up in
	horror. Sobbing hysterically, she clutches her robe about
	her and rushes from the room crying.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Oh! No! Oh! No! I can't stand
		it. My God! This is too much.
		This is too much to bear!...


	The CAMERA WATCHES Mrs. Chasen run off and then swings back
	to Harold in the tub.


11	CLOSEUP - HAROLD

	We hold on his wretched face as his mother's hysterical
	cries are heard in the background. Harold moves his head
	and listens. He breaks into a sly, satisfied grin.


12	INT. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE - DAY

	Harold is lying on a couch, perfectly relaxed. The
	PSYCHIATRIST, less so, is seated by him.

				PSYCHIATRIST
		Tell me, Harold, how many of
		these, eh, suicides have you
		performed?

				HAROLD
			(pause)
		An accurate number would be
		difficult to gauge.

				PSYCHIATRIST
		And why is that?

				HAROLD
		Well, some worked out better than
		others - some had to be abandoned
		in the planning stages - do you
		include the first time? - then
		there's the question of maiming...

				PSYCHIATRIST
		Just give me a rough estimate.

				HAROLD
		Well, a rough estimate... I'd say
		fifteen.

				PSYCHIATRIST
		Fifteen.

				HAROLD
		A rough estimate.

				PSYCHIATRIST
		And were they all done for your
		mother's benefit?

				HAROLD
			(thoughtful pause)
		I wouldn't say "benefit."

				PSYCHIATRIST
		No, I suppose not. How do you
		feel about your mother?


13	INSERT - STOCK

	A giant steel ball on a demolition crane crashes into a
	brick wall collapsing it with much noise and dust.

						DISSOLVE TO:


14	EXT. THE CHASEN POOLSIDE - DAY

	Mrs. Chasen decked out in a fashionable black bikini, crazy
	glasses, and an enormous sun hat, walks down the garden
	steps to the pool. Over this and the end of the above we
	HEAR her voice.

				MRS. CHASEN (v.o.)
		Hello, Fay, darling. Be an
		absolute dear and cancel my
		appointment with Rene this afternoon.
		Oh, I know, but Wednesday morning
		would be so much more convenient.
		Oh, you are an angel. Yes. Yes.
		Bye.

	Mrs. Chasen has now reached the poolside. As she walks
	around it we PAN with her and discover Harold, fully
	clothed, floating face downward on the still surface. Mrs.
	Chasen does not see him and walks into the pool house.


15	INT. POOL HOUSE - DAY

	Mrs. Chasen walks down the steps of the pool house and over
	to the bar. Behind the bar is an underwater viewing
	window into the pool. She stops and looks up through the
	window.


16	MRS. CHASEN'S POV

	Through the window we see Harold, drowned and bug-eyed,
	floating on the surface.


17	MED. SHOT - MRS. CHASEN

	Mrs. Chasen sighs, yanks a cord, and the venetian blinds
	come noisily down cutting off Harold from view.


18	INT. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE - DAY

	Harold is lying on the couch.

				HAROLD
			(a reasoned
			assessment)
		I don't think I'm getting through
		to Mother like I used to.

				PSYCHIATRIST
		Does that worry you?

				HAROLD
			(pause)
		Yes. It does.

				PSYCHIATRIST
		Why?

				HAROLD
		I put a lot of effort into these
		things.

				PSYCHIATRIST
		Ah, yes.

				HAROLD
		And a lot of time.

				PSYCHIATRIST
		I'm sure. But what else do you
		do with your time? Do you go to
		school?

				HAROLD
		No.

				PSYCHIATRIST
		What about the draft?

				HAROLD
		My mother spoke to my Uncle Victor.
		He's in the Army and he fixed it up.

				PSYCHIATRIST
		Oh. Well, how do you spend your
		day?

				HAROLD
		You mean when I'm not working on a...

				PSYCHIATRIST
		Yes. What kind of things do you do?


19	EXT. AUTOMOBILE JUNKYARD - DAY

	Cranes, auto smashers, bulldozers, and mountains of rusting
	cars and other junk. Very noisy and very fast cut. A
	little essay on destructive machinery at work with Harold
	looking on in rapture.


20	INT. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE - DAY

				PSYCHIATRIST
		I see. Junkyards. What is the
		fascination there?

				HAROLD
		I don't know.

				PSYCHIATRIST
		Is it the machines? The noise?
		The people?

				HAROLD
		No. It's the junk. I like to
		look at junk.

				PSYCHIATRIST
		What else do you like?

	Harold pauses.


21	INSERT - STOCK

	A giant steel ball crashes into a building. We watch it
	fall noisily into dust and rubble.


22	INT. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE - DAY

				PSYCHIATRIST
		That's very interesting, Harold,
		and I think very illuminative.
		There seems to be a definite pattern
		emerging.
			(taking copious notes)
		Your fondness for useless machines
		and demolitions seems indicative
		of your present emotional state,
		your self-destructive urges and
		your alienation from the regular
		social interaction. What do you
		think? And of course this pattern
		once isolated can be coped with.
		Recognize the problem and you are
		half way on the road to its
		solution. But tell me, what do
		you do for fun? What activity
		gives you a different sense of
		enjoyment than the others? What
		do you find fulfilling? What
		gives you that certain satisfaction?

				HAROLD
		I go to funerals.


23	EXT. CEMETERY - LONG SHOT - DAY

	showing a small group of mourners around a grave. A nearby
	bench by a tree is empty. The coffin is slowly being
	lowered into the ground.


24	EXT. CEMETERY - DAY

	CLOSER SHOTS of the mourners sobbing and the priest pray-
	ing. We come to Harold who has a look of gentle fascina-
	tion. The service is concluding. Harold looks up across
	the grave. A hundred yards away on the cemetery bench
	sits an old woman eating a tangerine. This is MAUDE.
	Harold stares at her. She seems to be having some kind of
	happy picnic. She looks over towards him. He quickly
	returns his attention to the burial.


25	EXT. CHASEN HOME - DAY

	Mrs. Chasen opens the front door and is saying farewell to
	two lady friends, the same kind of chic sophisticates as
	she is. Just then a hearse pulls into the driveway,
	passes them, and parks by the garage. The two women are
	somewhat stunned. Harold gets out of the hearse and goes
	into the backyard. The two women look to Mrs. Chasen for
	some explanation. Mrs. Chasen smiles lamely.


26	INT. CHASEN'S DEN - DAY

	Mrs. Chasen is addressing a seated and mute Harold.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Why you purchased that monstrous
		thing is totally beyond me. You
		can have any car you want - a Porsche,
		a Jaguar, a nice little MG roadster
		- but that ugly, black horror is an
		eyesore and an embarrassment.
		Really, Harold, you are no longer
		a child. It's time for you to
		settle down and stop flitting away
		your talents on these amateur
		theatrics - your little
		"divertissements" - no matter how
		psychologically purging they may
		be. I don't know what to do.


27	INSERT - CLOSEUP OF UNCLE VICTOR - LEFT PROFILE

				UNCLE VICTOR
		I'd put him in the Army, Helen.


28	INT. CHASEN'S DEN - DAY

	Mrs. Chasen continues.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Go have a talk with your Uncle
		Victor. Perhaps he can fathom you.
		After all, he was General Bradley's
		right hand man.


29	INT. VICTOR'S OFFICE - DAY

	UNCLE VICTOR, a bluff, hearty, totally military man, is a
	one star general with an amputated right arm. Harold sits
	before him.

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Harold, your mother has briefed me
		on your situation and there is no
		doubt in my mind of the requisite
		necessary action. If it was up to
		me I'd process your file and ship
		you off to boot camp tomorrow.
		Your mother, however, is adamant.
		She does not want you in the Army
		and insists on my holding on to
		your draft records. But what do
		you say, Harold?
			(he begins a
			selling job)
		It's a great life. Action! Adventure!
		Advising. See war - firsthand! Plenty
		of slant-eyed girls. It will make a
		man out of you, Harold. You'll travel
		the world. Put on the uniform and
		take on a man's job. Walk tall! -
		with a glint in your eye, a spring
		in your step, and the knowledge in
		your heart that you are -
			(he gestures to a
			poster of bullet-
			blazing Marines)
		- working for peace, and - are
		serving your country.

	He stops before a poster of Nathan Hale with a noose about
	his neck.

				UNCLE VICTOR
			(continuing)
		Like Nathan Hale. That's what this
		country needs - more Nathan Hales.

	He pulls his lanyard, activating some weird mechanism which
	snaps up his empty sleeve into a natty salute. A pause.
	The sleeve smartly refolds and he turns to Harold.

				UNCLE VICTOR
			(softly)
		And, Harold, I think I can see a
		little Nathan Hale in you.


30	INT. CHASEN'S DEN - DAY

	Mrs. Chasen is going out, but she comes in to talk to Harold.

				MRS. CHASEN
		I only have a few minutes, Harold,
		but I do want to inform you of my
		decision. There is no doubt that
		it is time for you to settle down
		and begin thinking about your
		future. You have led a very
		carefree, idle, happy life up to
		the present - the life of a child.
		But it is time now to put away
		childish things and take on adult
		responsibilities. We would all
		like to sail through life with
		no thought of tomorrow. But that
		cannot be. We have our duty. Our
		obligations. Our principles. In
		short, Harold, I think it is time
		you got married.


31 	INT. CHURCH - DAY

	PAN DOWN from the stained glass window of a church. The
	organ is playing softly. The PRIEST, a silver haired man
	rapidly approaching dotage, is in the pulpit.

				PRIEST
		And so dear brethren, let us pray
		to the Lord, King of Glory, that
		He may bless and deliver all souls
		of the faithful departed from the
		pains of hell and the bottomless
		pit, deliver them from the lion's
		mouth and the darkness therein,
		but rather bring them to the bliss
		of heaven, the holy light, and
		eternal rest.

	During the above we PULL BACK to reveal an open coffin and
	a church spreckled with a few mourners in black. Con-
	spicuous in an empty pew is Harold.

	The priest goes to the altar and mumbles the dull ritual.
	The small congregation responds. Harold sits quietly
	enjoying it all.

				VOICE (o.s.)
		Psst!

	Harold, startled, looks over to his left.


32	HAROLD'S POV

	A pixiesque old woman, somewhat eccentrically dressed, is
	smiling at him. It is Maude again.


33	CLOSEUP HAROLD

	Frowning slightly, Harold turns back front.

				MAUDE
		Psst.

	Harold looks back.


34	HAROLD'S POV

	Maude gives him a coquettish wink.


35	CLOSEUP HAROLD

	Harold is slightly shocked. He returns his attention to
	the altar.


36	MED. SHOT - PRIEST

	The priest moans on.


37	MED. SHOT - HAROLD

	Harold sits attentively.

				VOICE (o.s.)
		Psst!

	Harold, startled, looks over his right shoulder and sees
	Maude kneeling in the pew behind him. She speaks with a
	slight British/European accent.

				MAUDE
		Like some licorice?

	She offers some.

				HAROLD
		Eh, no. Thank you.

				MAUDE
		You're welcome.
			(gesturing to
			the deceased)
		Did you know him?

				HAROLD
		Eh, no.

				MAUDE
		Me neither. I heard he was eighty
		years old. I'll be eighty next
		week. A good time to move on,
		don't you think?

				HAROLD
			(trying to
			ignore her)
		I don't know.

				MAUDE
		I mean, seventy-five is too early,
		but at eighty-five, well, you're
		just marking time and you may as
		well look over the horizon.


38	MED. SHOT - ALTAR

	The priest finishes the prayers and exits. The casket is
	closed and the pallbearers take it out the side door. The
	few mourners follow.

	Maude is now sitting next to Harold.

				MAUDE
		I'll never understand this mania
		for black. I mean no one sends
		black flowers, do they? Black
		flowers are dead flowers and who
		would send black flowers to a
		funeral? It's change!
			(fluttery laugh)
		How absurd.

	Her eye catches a dour portrait of the Blessed Virgin and
	Child on a pillar. With one swoop she takes a felt pen
	from Harold's breast pocket and draws on the painting a
	bright and cheery smile.

	Harold is stunned.

				MAUDE
		There, that's better. They never
		give the poor thing a chance to
		laugh. Heaven knows she has a lot
		to be happy about. In fact...
			(she looks thought-
			fully around the
			church)
		- they all have a lot to be happy
		about. Excuse me.


40	INSERTS

	The faces of four somber statue saints.

				MAUDE (v.o.)
		An unhappy saint is a contradiction
		in terms.


41	INT. AT THE CHURCH DOOR

	An anxious Harold stands while Maude puts the top back on
	his pen. Maude smiles and gestures at a crucifix.

				MAUDE
		And why do they keep on about
		that? You'd think no one ever
		read the end of the story.

	She exits grandly with Harold's pen. Harold follows.


42	INSERTS

	FOUR QUICK CUTS of the saints' faces. They all have
	delightfully ridiculous smiles drawn on their faces.


43	CLOSEUP - PRIEST

	In the same rhythm we have a FIFTH CUT - the returning
	priest who is dropped dead by what he sees.

44 	EXT. CHURCH STEPS - DAY

				MAUDE
		It's a question of emphasis, you
		might say. Accentuate the positive,
		so to speak.

				HAROLD
		Eh, could I have my pen back now,
		please?

				MAUDE
		Oh, of course. What is your name?

				HAROLD
		Harold Chasen.

				MAUDE
		How do you do? I am Dame Marjorie
		Chardin, but you may call me Maude.

				HAROLD
		Nice to meet you.

				MAUDE
		Oh, thank you. I think we shall
		be great friends, don't you?

	Maude takes a great ring of keys from her purse, selects
	one of them, and opens the door of the car at the curb.

				MAUDE
		Can I drop you anywhere, Harold?

				HAROLD
			(quickly)
		No, thank you. I have my car.

				MAUDE
		Well then, I must be off.
			(she gets in)
		We shall have to meet again.

	She revs up the motor and looks over at Harold.

				MAUDE
		Do you dance?

				HAROLD
		What?

				MAUDE
		Do you sing and dance?

				HAROLD
		Eh, no.

				MAUDE
		No.
			(she smiles)
		I thought not.

	With a great screech of burning rubber Maude drives down
	the street just as the priest comes up to Harold. They
	both watch her squeal around the corner.

				PRIEST
			(totally mystified)
		That woman... She took my car.


45	INT. CHASEN DEN - DAY

	Harold is sitting in a chair. His mother enters and sits
	down at the desk.

				MRS. CHASEN
		I have here, Harold, the forms sent
		out by the National Computer Dating
		Service. It seems to me that as
		you do not get along with the
		daughters of my friends this is the
		best way for you to find a
		prospective wife.

	Harold starts to say something.

				MRS. CHASEN
			(continuing)
		Please, Harold, we have a lot to
		do and I have to be at the
		hairdresser's at three.
			(she looks over
			the papers)
		The Computer Dating Service
		offers you at least three dates
		on the initial investment. They
		screen out the fat and ugly so
		it is obviously a firm of high
		standards. I'm sure they can
		find you at least one girl who
		is compatible. Now first, here
		is the personality interview which
		you are to fill out and return.
		There are fifty questions with
		five possible responses to check...
		"A - Absolutely Yes, B - Yes,
		C - Not sure, D - No, E -
		Absolutely No." Are you ready,
		Harold?

		The first question is "Are you
		uncomfortable meeting new people?"
		Well, I think that's a "yes."
		Don't you agree, Harold? Even an
		"Absolutely yes." We'll put down
		"A" on that. Now, number two.
		"Do you believe it is acceptable
		for women to initiate dates with
		men?" Well, absolutely. Mark "A"
		on that. "Three - Should sex
		education be taught outside the
		home?" I would say no, wouldn't
		you, Harold? Give a "D" there.

	Mrs. Chasen continues filling out Harold's questionnaire
	without hardly ever even looking over for his reaction.
	He sits there, watching.

				MRS. CHASEN
		"Four - Do you often invite friends
		to your home?" Now, you never do,
		Harold. Absolutely no. "Five -
		Do you enjoy participating in clubs
		and social organizations?" You
		don't, do you? Absolutely no.
		"Six - Do you enjoy spending a lot
		of time by yourself?" Absolutely
		yes. Mark "A." "Seven - Should
		women run for President of the
		United States?" I don't see why
		not. Absolutely yes. "Eight -
		Do you have ups and downs without
		obvious reason?" You do, don't
		you, Harold? Absolutely yes.
		"Nine - Do you remember jokes and
		take pleasure in relating them to
		others?" You don't, do you, Harold?
		Absolutely no. "Ten - Do you
		often get the feeling that perhaps
		life isn't worth living?" Hmm.
		What do you think, Harold?

	Harold looks blankly back at his mother.

				MRS. CHASEN
			(continuing)
		"A"? "B"? We'll put down "C" -
		"Not sure." "Eleven - Is the
		subject of sex being over-exploited
		by our mass media?" That would
		have to be "Yes," wouldn't it?
		"Twelve - Do you think judges favor
		some lawyers?" Yes, I suppose they
		do. "Thirteen - ....

	Harold sits passively in his chair. Slowly he draws a
	revolver from his pocket. As his mother rattles on he very
	deliberately loads the bullets one by one into the chamber.

				MRS. CHASEN
		... Is it difficult for you to
		accept criticism?" Nooo. We'll
		mark "D." "Fourteen - Do you
		sometimes have headaches or back
		aches after a difficult day?" Yes,
		I do indeed. "Fifteen - Do you go
		to sleep easily?" I'd say so.
		"Sixteen - Do you believe in capital
		punishment for murder?" Oh, yes.
		"Seventeen - Do you believe churches
		have a strong influence to upgrade
		the general morality?" - yes, again.
		"Eighteen - In your opinion are
		social affairs usually a waste of
		time?" Heavens, no! "Nineteen -
		Can God influence our lives?" Yes.
		Absolutely yes. "Twenty - Have you
		ever crossed the street to avoid
		meeting someone?" Well, I'm sure
		you have, haven't you, Harold?
		"Twenty-one - Would you prefer to
		be with a group of people rather
		than alone?" That's you, Harold.
		"Twenty-two - Is it acceptable for
		a schoolteacher to smoke or drink
		in public?" Well, with reservation.
		Mark "B." "Twenty-three..."

	Having finished loading the gun, Harold cocks it and,
	looking at his mother, slowly lifts it up.

				MRS. CHASEN
		... Does your personal religion
		or philosophy include a life after
		death?" Oh, yes, indeed. That's
		"Absolutely." "Twenty-four - Did
		you enjoy life when you were a
		child?" Oh, yes. You were a
		wonderful baby, Harold. "Twenty-
		five..."

	The gun is pointing at his mother. Slowly Harold turns it
	till it is pointing directly into his face. He pulls the
	trigger. A burst of blood and a loud EXPLOSION.

	He and the chair are blown over backward OUT OF FRAME.
	SOUNDS of crashing furniture and breaking china. Mrs.
	Chasen remains impervious to it all.

				MRS. CHASEN
		... "Do you think the sexual
		revolution has gone too far?" It
		certainly seems to have. "Twenty-
		six...

	The last crash - a tottering lamp falls. Mrs. Chasen looks
	up peeved.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Harold! Please!
			(beat)
		"Should evolution be taught in our
		public schools?!"


46	EXT. GRAVEYARD DRIVE - DAY

	A long line of black limousines follow a hearse in a funeral
	procession. At the tag of the line is another hearse --
	Harold's.


47	EXT. AT THE GRAVESITE - DAY

	PAN around the sorrowing faces. STOP at Harold. CONTINUE
	past him 180 degrees and STOP at Maude. She is directly
	across the open grave from Harold. She tries to get his
	attention.

				MAUDE
		Psst! Psst!

	Harold looks up. Maude gives him a friendly wink, and a
	kind of "How do you do?" smile. Harold is horrified. The
	priest looks up from his praying. It is the same priest
	as before. He looks over at Maude. Maude suddenly over-
	come by sorrow backs away from the people.

						DISSOLVE TO:


48	EXT. GRAVEYARD - DAY

	Harold is walking by the road. The funeral in the back-
	ground is over but we see the priest coming toward him.

				PRIEST
		Eh, my boy. A moment, please.
		Who was that old lady waving to
		you earlier?

	Just then Maude drives up in Harold's hearse. She stops.

				MAUDE
		Hello, Harold. Can I give you a
		lift?

	Harold is surprised. He goes over to the hearse.

				PRIEST
		Ah! There you are, madam. Were
		not you the lady who drove my car
		off yesterday?

				MAUDE
		Was that the one with the St.
		Christopher medal on the dashboard?

				PRIEST
		Yes.

				MAUDE
		Then I suppose it was me. Get in,
		Harold.

	Harold decides not to argue. He gets in.

				PRIEST
		Were you also the one who painted
		the statues?

				MAUDE
			(brightly)
		Oh, yes. How did you like that?

				PRIEST
		Well, I didn't.

				MAUDE
		Oh, don't be too discouraged.
		For aesthetic appreciation -
		always a little time.

				PRIEST
		But wait...

	Maude waves and drives off with her usual screeching start.


49	INT. HAROLD'S HEARSE - DAY

	Harold is sitting in the front seat, wanting to say some-
	thing but also trying to hold on. Maude drives like a
	racing car driver, fast and risky, but with complete self-
	assurance.

				MAUDE
		What a delight it is, Harold, to
		bump into you again. I knew we
		were going to be good friends the
		moment I saw you. You go to
		funerals often, don't you?

	Harold is more intent on Maude's maneuvering of his car
	than on conversation.

				HAROLD
		Yes.

				MAUDE
		Oh, so do I. They're such fun,
		aren't they? It's all change.
		All revolving. Burials and births.
		The end to the beginning and the
		beginning to the end -
			(she makes a screeching left-
			hand turn)
		- the great circle of life. My,
		this old thing handles well. Ever
		drive a hearse, Harold?

				HAROLD
			(petrified)
		Yes.

				MAUDE
		Well, it's a new experience for me.
			(she makes a screech-
			ing right-hand turn)
		Good on curves. Shall I take you
		home, Harold?

				HAROLD
			(managing to speak)
		But this is my car.

				MAUDE
		Your hearse?

				HAROLD
		Yearse!

				MAUDE
		Oh.


50	EXT. ROADSIDE - LONG SHOT - DAY

	of the car coming to a screeching halt.


51	INT. CAR - DAY

				MAUDE
			(brightly)
		Then you shall take me home.


52	INT. CAR - DAY

	SAME ANGLE as 49 but this time Harold is driving and Maude
	sits beside him.

				MAUDE
		And so just before he left for the
		monastery in Tibet, Big Sweeney
		gave me his keys.

	She is showing Harold her ring of car keys.

				MAUDE
			(continuing)
		Of course, I've had to make some
		additions for the new models, but
		not as many as you might think.
		Once you have your basic set it's
		then only a question of variation.

				HAROLD
		And you get into any car you want
		and just drive off?

				MAUDE
		Not any car. I like to keep a
		variety. I'm always looking for
		the new experience, like this one.
		I liked it.

				HAROLD
		Thank you. But when you take these
		cars don't you think you are
		wronging the owners?

				MAUDE
		What owners, Harold? We don't
		own anything. It's a transitory
		world. We come on the earth with
		nothing, and we go out with nothing,
		so isn't "ownership" a little
		absurd?

				HAROLD
		Still, I think you'd upset
		people and I'm not sure that's
		right.

				MAUDE
		Well, if some people are upset
		because they feel they have a hold
		on some things, then I'm merely
		acting as a gentle reminder - I'm
		sort of breaking it easy -- Here
		today, gone tomorrow, so don't get
		attached to things. Now, with that
		in mind, I'm not against collecting
		stuff...


53	INT. MAUDE'S APARTMENT - DAY

	Maude and Harold enter.

				MAUDE
		... I've collected quite a lot of
		stuff in my time.

	We see Maude's main room filled with all kinds of eccentric
	memorabilia, from a mounted swordfish to an ivory Buddha.
	It is dominated by a large canopied bed like something from
	a Wagnerian opera. Other features are a large fireplace,
	a baby grand piano, expensive paintings on the walls, a
	tall wooden sculpture, and a Japanese type eating area with
	satin cushions.

				MAUDE
		It's all memorabilia, but incidental
		and not integral, if you know what
		I mean.

				HAROLD
			(looks around amazed)
		It's very interesting.

				MAUDE
		Oh, look! The birds.

	She goes to the window and works a unique pulley device that
	delivers seed to the bird table in the back yard.

				MAUDE
		This is my daily ritual. I love
		them so much. The only wild life
		I see anymore. Free as a bird!
			(fluttery laugh)
		You know, at one time I used to
		break into pet shops and liberate
		the canaries, but I gave it up
		as an idea before its time. The
		zoos are full and the prisons
		overflowing.

		My, my. How the world so dearly
		loves a cage.
			(she looks out
			another window)
		And there's Madame Arouet,
		cultivating her garden.

	She waves at the black dressed old woman diligently hoeing
	vegetables in the backyard. The old woman does not
	notice Maude.

				MAUDE
			(sighs)
		She's very sweet, but so old-
		fashioned. Please sit down, Harold.
		I'll put on the kettle and we'll
		have a nice hot cup of tea.

				HAROLD
		Thank you, but I really have to
		go.

				MAUDE
		But it's oat straw tea. You've
		never had oat straw tea, have you?

				HAROLD
		No.

				MAUDE
		Well then.

	The argument is over.

				HAROLD
		Thank you, but it's an appointment.
		I really shouldn't miss it.

				MAUDE
		Oh, at the dentist's?

				HAROLD
		Sort of.

				MAUDE
		Well, then, you must come back
		and visit.

				HAROLD
		All right.

				MAUDE
 		My door is always open.

				HAROLD
 		All right.

				MAUDE
 		Promise?

	He turns at the door and half smiles.

				HAROLD
 		Promise.


54	INT. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE - DAY

	Harold is on the couch. The psychiatrist sits behind him.

 				PSYCHIATRIST
 		Harold?

	Harold is day dreaming.

 				PSYCHIATRIST
 		Harold?

				HAROLD
			(comes to)
 		Huh?

				PSYCHIATRIST
		You don't seem to be listening.
		I asked do you have any friends?

				HAROLD
		No.

				PSYCHIATRIST
		None at all?

				HAROLD
		Well, maybe one.

				PSYCHIATRIST
		Would you care to talk about
		this friend?

				HAROLD
		No.

				PSYCHIATRIST
		Is this a friend you had when
		you were away at school?

				HAROLD
 		No.

				PSYCHIATRIST
 			(things are
			getting difficult)
 		I see.
			(he tries a new
			attack)
		Were you happy at school, Harold?

				HAROLD
 		Yes.

				PSYCHIATRIST
 		You liked your teachers?

				HAROLD
 		Yes.

				PSYCHIATRIST
 		Your classmates?

				HAROLD
 		Yes.

				PSYCHIATRIST
 		Your studies?

				HAROLD
 		Yes.

				PSYCHIATRIST
 		Then why did you leave?

				HAROLD
 		I burnt down the Chemistry building.

	The psychiatrist gets up and rather anxiously paces about.

				PSYCHIATRIST
 		We are not relating today, Harold.
		I sense a definite resistance.
		A lack of true and helpful
		communication. I find you a very
		interesting case, Harold, but
		this reluctance of yours is
		detrimental to the psycho-analytical
		process, and can only hinder the
		possibility of effective treatment.
		Do you understand?

				HAROLD
 		Yes.

				PSYCHIATRIST
 		Very well.
			(he sits)
		Now your mother tells me she is
		arranging several dates for you
		with some young ladies. How do
		you feel about that?


55	STOCK INSERT

	A giant steel ball crashes into a brick wall, demolishing
	it.


56	INT. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE - DAY

				PSYCHIATRIST
 		I see. Tell me, Harold, do you
		remember your father at all?

				HAROLD
 		No.
			(pause)
		I'd have liked to.

				PSYCHIATRIST
 		Why?

				HAROLD
		I'd have liked to talk to him.

				PSYCHIATRIST
 		What would you say?

				HAROLD
 			(pause)
 		I'd show him my hearse. And my
		room, and stuff.

				PSYCHIATRIST
 		What kind of stuff?


57	OMITTED


58	OMITTED

59	INT. HAROLD'S ROOM - NIGHT

	All the lights are on showing a room cluttered with books,
	guns and swords on the walls, small bits of odd machinery,
	a chemistry workbench, a school pennant, some trophies,
	some models, a chess set, etc.

				HAROLD (v.o.)
		Oh, all my things - incidental but
		not integral, if you know what I
		mean.

	We PAN over individual items - the chemistry set, pool
	floats, a small oxygen cylinder, the rope and body harness
	he used to hang himself in the first scene, a large bottle
	of Max Factor blood, a portrait of Lon Chaney as "The
	Phantom of the Opera."

	We come to a silver serving dish with a large silver cover
	over it. A hand comes into frame and removes the cover.
	On the dish is Harold's severed head. The hands pick up
	the head. We TILT UP and see it is Harold. He takes the
	dummy head over to his dresser, combs the hair and picks
	off the latex blood, and then takes it to the center of the
	room, where a headless dummy sits in a chair. Harold screws
	the head onto the dummy. It doesn't fit very well. He
	fiddles with it a moment but he is not satisfied. He goes
	to his closet and looks into a box of tools and things.
	He takes a meat cleaver out but he is still looking for
	something else. There is a knock on the door and Mrs.
	Chasen in evening clothes enters. Harold turns to come out
	of the closet but he hears his mother addressing the dummy.

 				MRS. CHASEN
 		Now listen, Harold, I have here the
		three girls sent out by the Computer
		Dating Service.

	She shuffles through three IBM cards in her hand.

 				MRS. CHASEN
 			(continuing)
 		I've phoned them up and invited
		each of them to have lunch with
		us before you take them out. The
		first one is coming tomorrow at
		one. Luncheon at two.

	Harold stands with the meat cleaver in his hand behind the
	closet door. He listens blankly.

				MRS. CHASEN
			(still talking to
			the dummy)
		Now I want you to act like a
		gentleman and make this girl
		feel at home.

		Well, I'm off to the ballet with
		the Fergusons. I only hope they
		can maneuver round that great black
		thing in the driveway.
			(she pauses)
 		You look a little pale, Harold.
 			(she opens the door)
 		You get a good night's sleep. After
		all you want to look your best for
		tomorrow.
			(she exits)

	Harold hears the door shut. He ponders his fate for a
	moment. He leans around the door and looks at the dummy.
	He thinks. He gives it up. He goes back in the closet
	to find whatever he was looking for.


60	INT. CHASEN'S FRONT LOBBY - DAY

 	Mrs. Chasen opens the front door, revealing a cute, blond,
	typical American co-ed. This is CANDY GULF.

				CANDY
		Hello, I'm Candy Gulf.

				MRS. CHASEN
		How do you do. I'm Mrs. Chasen.
		Come in.

	Candy comes in and Mrs. Chasen closes the door.

 				MRS. CHASEN
			(continuing)
 		Harold is out in the garden.
		He'll be in in a moment. Let's
		go into the den.


61	INT. CHASEN'S DEN - DAY

	Candy and Mrs. Chasen enter.

				MRS. CHASEN
		You are at the University, Candy?

				CANDY
		Yes, I am.

				MRS. CHASEN
		And what are you studying?

				CANDY
		Poli. Sci. With a home ec minor.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Eh, Poli Sci?

 				CANDY
 		Political Science. It's all about
		what's going on.

	They walk to the window.

 				MRS. CHASEN
 		Oh, there's Harold now.

	Candy and Mrs. Chasen look out the French window. They
	wave. Harold waves back and leaves. Candy and Mrs. Chasen
	sit down. Candy faces the window; Mrs. Chasen has her
	back to it.

 				CANDY
 		He seems very nice. Is Harold
		interested in, eh, what's going
		on? I think it's such a super
		thing to study. And then, of
		course, I can always fall back
		on home ec.

 				MRS. CHASEN
 		Yes, that's good planning. Tell
		me, are you a regular, Candy, in
		this computer club?

	We see out the window that Harold has come back. He carries
	a large can marked Kerosene. Candy sees him but returns
	her attention to answering Mrs. Chasen.

				CANDY
		Heavens no. I don't have to
		worry about dates. You see,
		the other girls in my sorority,
		well, we decided that somebody
		should try it, so we drew
		straws and I lost.
			(little giggle)
 		But I am looking forward to
		meeting Harold.

	She looks beyond Mrs. Chasen, out the window. She is a
	little nonplussed. Harold is pouring the kerosene all over
	himself.

				MRS. CHASEN
 		I think I should mention, Candy,
		that Harold does have his eccentric
		moments.

 				CANDY
 			(never let it be
			said that she
			isn't a good sport)
		Oh, yes? Well, that's all right.
		I've got a brother who's a real
		cut-up, too. I'll never forget the
		time we had this old TV set with
		no parts in it. Well, Tommy stuck
		his head behind it and started
		giving a newscast before the whole
		family. We were all hysterical.
		And here's little Tommy pretending
		to be Walter Cronkite.

	She looks back at Harold out the window. He is ablaze.
	Her mouth falls open.

 				MRS. CHASEN
 		Yes. I'm sure it must have been
		very funny.

	Candy jumps up, pointing out the window behind Mrs. Chasen.

 				CANDY
 		Har -- Haro -- Haroldddd!!!

	Mrs. Chasen rises, slightly disturbed but used to odd
	behavior.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Yes, dear. Here is Harold now.

	Harold enters from the side door.

				MRS. CHASEN
			(continuing)
 		Candy, this is Harold.

	Candy is momentarily stunned. Harold nods his greetings.

 				MRS. CHASEN
 		Candy was just telling a funny
		story about Walter Cronkite.

	Candy begins hysterical babbling and collapses.


62	INT. MAUDE'S APARTMENT - DAY

	The front door opens slowly and Harold enters.

				HAROLD
		Maude. Maude. Anybody home?

	He gets no answer and steps into the room. He looks over
	the fireplace, where a furled umbrella is hung up like a
	rifle. Nearby he sees a glass cabinet full of sea shells
	and glass work. He walks over to a large table and is
	puzzled by the odd-shaped, machine-like boxes on top. He
	looks over at the wood sculpture, a highly polished work
	with very smooth curves and holes. Instinctively he puts
	out his hand to touch it, but decides he shouldn't. He
	walks over to the piano and examines the silver frames
	standing on it. They have no photographs in them and this
	interests him. He goes to the window. Over his shoulder
	we see MADAME AROUET hoeing in her vegetable patch.


63	EXT. THE BACK YARD - DAY

	A MEDIUM SHOT of Madame Arouet. She is dressed in the
	black peasant's dress of Southern France. She is thin and
	wrinkled and wears a large straw sun hat. She is con-
	tinually working. Harold comes up to her.

				HAROLD
		Excuse me, have you seen Maude?

	Madame Arouet looks up. She doesn't comprehend.

				HAROLD
		Maude. Do you know where she is?

	Still no understanding.

				HAROLD
		Maude?

				MADAME AROUET
		Ah! Maude.

	She points to the building next door.

				HAROLD
			(nodding)
		Oh, thank you. Thank you very
		much. Merci.

	He goes off toward the building. Madame Arouet continues
	hoeing.


64	CLOSEUP - MADAME AROUET

	She looks up from her work and watches Harold. There is a
	strange sadness in her old weathered face - time lost,
	pleasures past over, the resignation to a lifetime of work.
	She turns back to her garden.


65	INT. GLAUCUS'S STUDIO - DAY

	Harold comes through the door, sees where he is at, and
	becomes embarrassed.

				HAROLD
		Oh. Excuse me.


66	HAROLD'S POV - AN ARTIST'S STUDIO

	The first thing we notice is the large block of ice in the
	center of the room - seven to eight feet tall - and
	through it, as if looking through the glass on a shower
	door, we can see a naked female body posing as Venus. The
	sculptor, GLAUCUS, a frail, little, white-haired old man,
	dressed in winter clothing, turns from the ice with a
	chisel and hammer in his gloved hand.

				GLAUCUS
		What do you want?

				HAROLD
		I'm sorry. I was looking for
		Maude.

	The nude figure behind the ice moves and we see her head
	over the top. It is Maude.

				MAUDE
		Harold?

				HAROLD
		Maude???!


67	INT. MAUDE'S APARTMENT - DAY

	Harold sits in a chair, brooding. Maude is in her kitchen
	alcove.

				MAUDE
		How about some ginger pie?

				HAROLD
		Eh, fine.

				MAUDE
		I'll heat some up. My, it's nice
		to see you again, Harold. How's
		your hearse?

				HAROLD
		Oh, it's fine. Fine.

				MAUDE
		She seemed yare to me.

	Maude lays out the table. Harold gets up. He has some-
	thing on his mind.

				HAROLD
			(nonchalantly)
 		Do you often model for Glaucus?

				MAUDE
		Heavens no! I don't have the time.
		But I like to keep in practice
		and poor Glaucus occasionally needs
		his memory refreshed as to the
		contours of the female form.
			(she stops)
		Do you disapprove?

				HAROLD
		Me! No. Of course not.

				MAUDE
			(she wants
			the truth)
		Really. Do you think it's wrong?

				HAROLD
			(thinks, decides,
			and reports his
			conclusion)
		No.
			(he smiles)

				MAUDE
		Oh, I'm so happy you said that
		because I wanted to show you my
		paintings. This is the "Rape of
		Rome" and, of course, there in
		the corner is quite a graphic
		depiction of Leda and the Swan.

	Harold looks at the corner of the painting and then back at
	Maude.

				MAUDE
			(coquettishly)
		A self-portrait.
			(she walks on)
		But over here is my favorite. It's
		titled "Rainbow with Egg Underneath
		and an Elephant." Do you like it?

				HAROLD
		Yes. Very much.

				MAUDE
		It was my last. I then became
		infatuated with these -- my
		"Odorifics."

	She points to the odd-shaped boxes with the tubes and
	handles attached to them.

				MAUDE
		Give the nose a treat, I thought.
		Have a kind of olfactory banquet!
		So I began first on the easiest -
		roast beef, old books, mown grass,
		then I went on to these -
			(she reads the
			labels on the
			boxes)
		"An Evening at Maxim's." "Mexican
		Farmyard." Here's one you'd like.
		"Snowfall on 42nd Street." Put
		it on.

	She helps him put on the oxygen-type mask.

				MAUDE
			(continuing)
		Now I'll pump it up...
			(she does so)
		... and you just turn the handles.
			(he does)
		Okay. What do you smell?

				HAROLD
		Subways... Perfume... Cigarette...
			(gradually becoming
			more excited)
		... Cologne... Carpet... Chestnuts!
		... Snow!

				MAUDE
		It goes on and on.

				HAROLD
		That's really great.

	He takes it off.

				MAUDE
		Thank you. I thought of continuing
		- graduating to the abstract and
		free-smelling - but then I decided
		to switch to the tactile.

	She gestures at the wood sculpture.

				MAUDE
		What do you think?

				HAROLD
		Oh. Eh, I like it.

				MAUDE
		No, you have to touch it.
			(she demonstrates)
		You have to run your hands over it,
		get close to it, really reach
		out and feel. You try it.

	Harold tries. He gingerly moves his hand over a rather
	sensuous curve.

				MAUDE
		That's right. How's the sensation?

	A low RISING WHISTLE is heard.

				MAUDE
		Oh, that's the kettle.
			(she goes to
			kitchen)
		Go ahead, Harold. Stroke, palm,
		caress, explore.

	Harold watches Maude leave the room. He hears her invita-
	tion and looks at the sculpture. A battle is going on
	inside him. ("Go ahead touch it! - Better not!") Maude
	begins humming in the kitchen. She won't be out for a while.
	Harold begins moving his hand over the polished wood. His
	face is expressionless, but he moves his body closer and
	his hand becomes more daring. He brings his other hand
	onto the sculpture. He is enjoying the sensations. He
	looks at the large hole before him. His hand moves around
	it. ("Go ahead - Better not!") His eyes scan the room.
	Suddenly he sticks his head in the hole, pulls it out,
	steps back quickly, and looks over to the kitchen. Maude
	is still out there humming. Harold relaxes, straightens
	his suit, looks at the sculpture, and braves a short smile.

	Maude enters with the tea.

				MAUDE
		Here we are, Harold. Oat straw
		tea and ginger pie.

				HAROLD
		Certainly a new experience for me.

				MAUDE
		Wonderful! Try something new each
		day. After all, we're given life
		to find it out. It doesn't last
		forever.

	They sit down at the table.

				HAROLD
		You look as if you could.

				MAUDE
		Me. Ha! Did I tell you I'll be
		eighty on Saturday?

				HAROLD
		You don't look eighty.

				MAUDE
		That's the influence of the right
		food, the right exercise, and the right
		breathing.
			(she gestures)
		Greet the dawn with the Breath of
		Fire!
			(the demonstration
			leaves her a
			little winded)
		Of course, there's no doubt the
		body is giving out. I'm well into
		autumn. I'll have to be giving
		it all up after Saturday. Sweeten
		the tea with honey, Harold. It's
		delicious.

				HAROLD
		That's a nice teapot.

				MAUDE
		Sterling silver. It was my dear
		mother-in-law's, part of a dinner
		set of fifty pieces. It's one of
		the few things that survived.
			(pause)
		Oh, but I do rattle on so. Tell
		me about yourself, Harold.
			(she settles back
			with her tea)
		What do you do when you aren't
		visiting funerals?


68	EXT. DEMOLITIONS - DAY

	Shots of falling buildings. The giant demolition ball
	swings left and right knocking mighty holes in brick walls
	and sending them crumbling to earth with deafening noise.


69	EXT. DEMOLITION - ANOTHER ANGLE - DAY

	Harold and Maude watch, in the background, an old building
	collapse into rubble. After the noise abates Maude turns
	to Harold.

				MAUDE
		Yes. There is definitely a certain
		attraction.


70	EXT. JUNKYARD - DAY

	A giant crane comes crashing into the hood of a car.
	The car is picked up and dropped on a conveyor belt which
	hauls it up to the crusher. Despite the terrible din
	Harold and Maude watch with rapt attention.


71	EXT. JUNKYARD DISTRICT - LONG SHOT - DAY

	Harold and Maude are sitting on a hill picnicking. They
	are looking at the junkyard operation in the distance.
	They chew for a while then Maude offers Harold a raw carrot.
	She chews on one herself.

				MAUDE
		Well, it's all very thrilling,
		of course, but I ask you, Harold...
		Is it enough?

				HAROLD
		What do you mean?

	Maude smiles.


72	EXT. A LARGE VEGETABLE FIELD - DAY

	The CAMERA is at a LOW LEVEL. We see long rows of young
	plants that stretch into the distance. We PAN across the
	field into two giant CLOSEUPS of Harold and Maude. They
	are lying on the ground looking intently at one little
	plant. Maude looks over to Harold.

				MAUDE
		I love to watch things grow.


73	EXT. FLOWER FARM - DAY

	SHOTS of flowers growing, all different varieties, in
	clusters, in pots, on vines, in greenhouses, in large
	fields.

	Maude and Harold are walking down a row of flowers.

				MAUDE
		They grow and bloom, and fade, and
		die, and some change into something
		else. Ah, life!

	They stop by some flowers.

				MAUDE
		I should like to change into a
		sunflower most of all. They are
		so tall and simple. And you,
		Harold, what flower would you
		like to be?

				HAROLD
		I don't know. Just one of those.
			(he gestures)


74	HAROLD'S POV

	We see a large field of daisies stretching to the hills.


75	EXT. BY THE DAISY FIELD - DAY

	Harold and Maude look out at it.

				MAUDE
			(a little perturbed)
 		Why do you say that?

				HAROLD
			(softly)
		Because they are all the same.

				MAUDE
		Oooh, but they are not. Look.

	They bend down to see some close ones.

				MAUDE
			(continuing)
		See - some are smaller, some are
		fatter, some grow to the left,
		some to the right, some even have
		some petals missing - all kinds
		of observable differences, and we
		haven't even touched the bio-
		chemical. You see, Harold, they're
		like the Japanese. At first you
		think they all look alike, but
		after you get to know them you see
		there is not a repeat in the bunch.
		Each person is different, never
		existed before and never to exist
		again. Just like this daisy -
			(she picks it)
		- an individual.

	They stand up.

				HAROLD
		Well, we may be individuals all
		right but -
			(he looks out
			at the field)
		- we have to grow up together.

	Maude looks up. She is very struck by what Harold said.
	She speaks very softly and we see she has tears in her eyes.

				MAUDE
		Yes, that's very true. Still I
		believe much of the world's
		sorrow comes from people who know
		they are this -
			(she holds
			the daisy)
		- yet let themselves be treated -
			(she looks out
			at the field)
		- as that.


76	EXT. THE FIELD - DAY

	Thousands and thousands of daisies wave gently in the
	breeze.


77	EXT. ROAD BY THE FLOWER FARM - DAY

	A large black Continental apparently out of control
	crashes through the flower farm fence, swerves onto the
	road, and zigzags away at top speed before finally
	straightening out.


78	INT. CONTINENTAL - DAY

	Harold is petrified. Maude is driving. She looks over at
	him and explains.

				MAUDE
		Ha! Power steering.


79	EXT. ROAD IN TOWN - DAY

	The Continental speeds by.


80	INT. CONTINENTAL - DAY

	Harold has somewhat recovered.

				HAROLD
		Boy, Maude. The way you handle
		cars. I'd never handle a car
		like that.

				MAUDE
		Oh, it's only a machine, Harold.
		It's not as if it were alive,
		like a horse or a camel. We may
		live in a machine age, but I
		simply can't treat them as equals.
			(she looks over
			at the radio)
		Of course, the age has its
		advantages.

	She turns it on. Music plays softly.

				MAUDE
			(continuing)
		The universal language of mankind.
			(she begins
			humming along
			with the tune)
		What music do you like, Harold?

				HAROLD
		Well...

	Harold is suddenly thrown against the door as Maude makes
	a fast U-turn.


81	EXT. BEFORE THE COURTHOUSE PARK - DAY

	We see the Continental turn across the street, drive up
	onto the sidewalk, and stop as it bumps into a telegraph
	pole.


82	MED. SHOT OF THE CAR

	Maude gets out, walks around the car, and opens Harold's
	door. Harold, very shaken, gets out.

				HAROLD
		What happened?

				MAUDE
			(she points)
		Look.

				HAROLD
		What?

				MAUDE
		Over there by the courthouse.

				HAROLD
		What is it?

				MAUDE
		That little tree. It's in trouble.
		Come on.

	Maude walks over to the courthouse. Harold, not wanting to
	be left with the crashed car, quickly follows.


83	EXT. BY THE COURTHOUSE - DAY

	They come to a little tree growing in the garden.

				MAUDE
		Look at it, Harold. It's
		suffocating. It's the smog.
		People can live with it, but
		it gives trees asthma. They
		can't breathe. See the leaves
		are all brown. Harold, we've
		got to do something about this
		life.

				HAROLD
		But what?

				MAUDE
		We'll transplant it. To the
		forest.

				HAROLD
		But we can't just dig it up!

				MAUDE
		Why not?

				HAROLD
		But this is public property.

				MAUDE
		Exactly.

	She's ready to dig.

				HAROLD
		Don't you think we should get some
		tools, maybe?

				MAUDE
		Yes, you're right. We'll go see
		Glaucus. Come on.

				HAROLD
		Oh, wait, Maude. Look!

	Harold points and we see that two COPS have stopped and are
	checking out the Continental on the sidewalk.

				MAUDE
			(nonchalantly)
		Oh, the police. Come on.


84	EXT. BY THE CONTINENTAL - DAY

	The police are looking around. Maude boldly walks by.
	Harold tags reluctantly along.

				MAUDE
		Good afternoon, Officer. Bit
		of trouble here?

				OFFICER
			(tips his hat)
		Yes, ma'am. Somebody had some
		trouble parking.

				MAUDE
		Well, it's a tricky turn.

				OFFICER
			(not understanding
			but amiable)
		Eh, yes, ma'm.

				MAUDE
		Tell me --
			(points to car
			in front)
		-- is that car parked all right?

				OFFICER
		Oh yes. That's fine.

				MAUDE
		Well, thank you. Eh, officer,
		you might turn off the radio.
		Saves the battery.

	Maude and Harold walk off to the car in front. The officer
	turns off the radio. He looks up. Maude has opened the
	door of the car in front with her ring of keys. She waves
	to him.


85	CLOSEUP - THE OFFICER

	He tips his hat and waves back. He is smiling as we hear
	the engine start. The smile drops as we hear Maude's
	screeching start.


86	INT. GLAUCUS'S STUDIO - NIGHT

	Maude and Harold enter. The block of ice in the center of
	the room is now five to six feet tall and melting rapidly
	into the large trough in which it stands. Around the studio
	on the walls and benches are every conceivable hand tool -
	sculpting tools, gardening tools, construction tools, etc.
	On a raised platform in one corner covered with rugs and
	cushions and skins, lies Glaucus, bundled up in a parka
	and snoring horribly. In his gloved hands he holds a
	hammer and an ice pick.

				MAUDE
		Oh, my. We're too late.

				HAROLD
		Is he all right?

				MAUDE
		He's fallen asleep, as usual.

	She covers him with a rug.

				MAUDE
		 	(continuing)
		We'll come back in the morning.

				HAROLD
		What is that he's working on?

				MAUDE
		An ice sculpture. It's Venus -
		the Goddess of Love, the completion
		of which is his unfulfilled dream.

				HAROLD
		It is kind of rough.

				MAUDE
		He's never finished one yet. He
		has around him every kind of hand
		tool known to man, but the poor
		dear has difficulty staying awake.

				HAROLD
		Look, the ice is melting.

				MAUDE
		Yes.

	They both stand and stare.

				MAUDE
		That's one of the drawbacks of
		the medium.


87	INT. MAUDE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

	Harold and Maude sit before the fire. They have just
	finished dinner.

				MAUDE
		A little after-dinner liqueur,
		Harold?

				HAROLD
		Well, I really don't drink...

				MAUDE
		Oh, it's all right. It's organic.

	She pours.

				HAROLD
		Thank you.

				MAUDE
			(offering)
		Some nuts? Some licorice?
		It has no nutritional value but
		then consistency is not really a
		human trait.

				HAROLD
		Thank you.

	He chews the licorice. He gestures above the fireplace.

				HAROLD
 			(continuing)
		What's that?

				MAUDE
		My umbrella?
			(fluttery laugh)
		Oh, that's just a relic. I found
		it when I was packing to come to
		America. It used to be my defense
		on picket lines and rallies and
		political meetings - being dragged
		off by police or attacked by thugs
		of the opposition.
			(fluttery laugh
			as she remembers)
		A long time ago.

				HAROLD
		What were you fighting for?

				MAUDE
		Oh, Big Issues. Liberty. Rights.
		Justice. Kings died and kingdoms
		fell. I don't regret the kingdoms
		- what sense in borders and nations
		and patriotism - but I do miss the
		kings. When I was a little girl
		I was taken to the palace in
		Vienna, to a garden party. I can
		still see the sunshine, the
		parasols, and the flashing
		uniforms of the young officers.
		I thought then I would marry a
		soldier.
			(fluttery laugh)
		Later, Frederick would chide me
		about it.
			(with a twinkle)
		He was so serious. A doctor at
		the University. And in the
		government.

	Suddenly she gets quiet.

				MAUDE
		But, that was all... before...

	Maude stares into the fire. She suddenly seems very small
	and fragile. Harold notices the change that has come over
	her and is not sure what to say.

				HAROLD
		So you don't use the umbrella
		any more?

	She looks at him and says softly:

				MAUDE
		No.

				HAROLD
		No more revolts.

				MAUDE
			(sparks back to
			her old self)
		Oh, yes! Every day. But I don't
		need a defense anymore. I embrace!
		Still fighting for the Big Issues
		but now in my small, individual way.
		Shall we have a song?

				HAROLD
		Well, I don't...

				MAUDE
		Oh come on. I'll teach you.

	She goes to the piano, sits down, and plays. It is a fast,
	delightful song and she sings it with zest.

				MAUDE
		Come on, Harold, join in the
		chorus.

	Beside her Harold hesitatingly sings along. The o.s.
	orchestra has joined in, enabling Maude to leave the piano
	and get up and dance. She capers in true old vaudeville
	fashion. As the song continues we go into a MONTAGE and
	see Maude dance as she sings in various locales - the beach,
	the forest, the fields, the hills, finally returning to
	her room to join up with Harold for a socko finish.

				MAUDE
		Oh, that was fun. Let's play
		something together.

				HAROLD
		But I don't play anything.

				MAUDE
			(a bombshell!)
 		Don't play anything! Dear me. Everyone
		should be able to make some music.
		Why, it's life! - Rhythm and
		harmony - That's the cosmic dance.
		Come with me.

	She goes over to a large cupboard and opens both doors.
	It is full of all kinds of musical instruments. She ferrets
	about for a while and pulls out a banjo.

				MAUDE
		Here we are. Just the thing.

	She shows him a chord and how to strum. - "Your fingers
	here... etc." He does it a few times.

				MAUDE
		That's right. But be impulsive!
		Be fanciful! Let the music flow
		out of you as freely as though
		you were talking. Okay?
			(she sits)
		From the top -- Let's jam!

	She swings into the chorus and Harold strums along. At the
	end she looks over at him beaming.

				HAROLD
		Okay?

				MAUDE
		Superb.


88	EXT. THE CHASEN'S BACKYARD - DAY

	Harold sits practicing his banjo. We barely recognize that
	he is playing Maude's Song. He hears his mother calling
	him and he quickly hides his banjo in a nearby flower pot.
	His mother enters.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Harold! Harold! Ah, there you
		are. I have a little present
		for you. A surprise. Come with
		me.

	They both go off toward the garage.


89	EXT. THE GARAGE AREA - DAY

	They both come around the corner and Mrs. Chasen gestures
	dramatically in front of her.

 				MRS. CHASEN
		There!


90	EXT. THE GARAGE AREA - THEIR POV - DAY

	We see a little green MG roadster. Harold comes up to it,
	suspecting something funny. He looks around for his
	hearse.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Isn't that darling? I had them tow
		off that black monstrous thing of
		yours and had them send this around
		instead. It's so much more
		appropriate for you, don't you
		think?

	Harold starts to say something.

  				MRS. CHASEN
			(continuing)
		One more thing, Harold. I've talked
		on the phone with your second
		computer date and she seems a very
		nice, quiet girl. Not at all
		hysterical like the first one.
		Nevertheless I want you to be on
		your best behavior when she comes
		tomorrow and make her feel at home.
			(she looks at the
			car before leaving)
		Cute little thing, isn't it? I
		like it very much.
			(she exits)

	Harold stands for a moment looking at the MG. He makes a
	decision.


91	QUICK SHOT

	Harold takes off his jacket.


92	QUICK SHOT

	Harold wheels to the car a large acetylene torch.


93	QUICK SHOT

	Harold pulls down a great welding mask over his head.


94	INT. GLAUCUS' STUDIO - DAY

	A brand new block of ice - eight to nine feet tall -
	stands in the trough in the center of the studio. Glaucus,
	spryly dressed for autumn, is chipping merrily away.

 				GLAUCUS
		Come in. Come in.

	Maude enters.

				MAUDE
		Have you seen Harold?

				GLAUCUS
		One moment.

	He makes a chip on the ice and stands back to examine it.
	He is satisfied. He turns to Maude, full of pep.

				GLAUCUS
		Ah, Dame Marjorie. Greetings.
			(he kisses her hand)
		As Odysseus said to Penelope...

	Harold enters a little out of breath.

				HAROLD
		Sorry I'm late.

				GLAUCUS
		A rather free translation but
		nonetheless correct. Greetings
		to you too, my little one.
			(he gestures
			at the ice)
		Tell me, what do you see?

				HAROLD
		A block of ice.

				GLAUCUS
		Exactly! Now, ask me what I see.

				HAROLD
		What do you see?

				GLAUCUS
		I see the eternal goddess of
		beauty and love. I see Aphrodite.
		The consummate woman.

		Full of warmth and fire. Frozen.
			(to the ice)
		And it is I who shall set you free.

	He takes a small pneumatic drill and attacks the ice. He
	makes a little incision, puts it down, and steps back to
	observe. He wipes his brow.

   				GLAUCUS
		Each morning I am delivered of a
		new block of ice. Each evening
		my eyes grow weary, my hands hang
		heavy, and I am swept down Lethe
		to slumber -
			(slowly with
			feeling)
		- while my goddess, half-born,
		drips away - unseen, unsung, and
		unknown.

				MAUDE
		May we borrow a shovel?

				GLAUCUS
		Wait! Let me think. Do I need
		a shovel today? No! I need a
		blowtorch.
			(he gets a
			blowtorch)
		Take any shovel. You are welcome.

	Harold picks up a shovel.

  				MAUDE
		Thank you, Glaucus. We'll see
		you later. Come on, Harold.

	Harold and Maude exit.

   				GLAUCUS
		Farewell, my friends.
			(he fires the
			blowtorch)
		"Where'er he moved, the goddess
		shone before" - Homer!

	He approaches the ice.


95	EXT. HIGHWAY - LONG SHOT - DAY

	We PAN with a brown pick-up truck as it drives along. A
	small tree stands swaying in the back.


96	INT. PICK-UP TRUCK - ANGLE FROM SIDE - MED. SHOT - DAY

	Maude is driving. Harold sits beside her. The car is
	traveling from SCREEN LEFT to SCREEN RIGHT. Harold looks
	at Maude. She smiles. He smiles.


97	EXT. HIGHWAY - LONG SHOT - DAY

	Cop on a motorcycle watches Maude go by. He follows her
	and flags her down. She pulls the truck over to the side
	of the road.


98	EXT. ROADSIDE - DAY

	The cop gets off his motorcycle and comes over to the truck
	door.

				COP
		Lady, you were going 70 miles
		an hour in a 45-mile zone. Could
		I see your license, please?

				MAUDE
		Yes. Those little pieces of paper
		with your picture on it?

				COP
		Yes.

				MAUDE
		Oh, I don't have one.

				COP
		Come again.

				MAUDE
		I don't have one. I don't
		believe in them.

				COP
		How long have you been driving?

				MAUDE
		About forty-five minutes,
		wouldn't you say, Harold? We
		were hoping to start sooner but,
		you see, it's rather hard to find
		a truck.

				COP
		Could I see your registration?

				MAUDE
		I just don't think we have one,
		unless it's in the glove compartment.
		Could you look, Harold?

				COP
		Isn't this your vehicle?

				MAUDE
		No, no. I just took it.

				COP
		Took it?

				MAUDE
		Yes. You see I have to plant my
		tree.

				COP
		Your tree.

				MAUDE
		Well, it's not really mine. I
		dug it up in front of the courthouse.
		We're transplanting it. Letting
		it breathe, you know. But, of
		course, we would like to get it
		into soil, as soon as possible.

				COP
		Lady, let me get this straight.

				MAUDE
			(agreeing)
		All right, then, and we'll be off.
			(she revs up the motor)
		Nice chatting with you.

	Maude zooms off down the highway. The cop is left flabber-
	gasted. He races for his motorcycle. With SIRENS blazing
	he drives of to catch her.


99	INT. THE TRUCK - DAY

	Harold looks uneasily out the back window.

 				HAROLD
		I think he's following us.

				MAUDE
		Is he? Ah, the police. Always
		wanting to play games. Well,
		here goes.

		Maude accelerates and zooms off.


100	EXT. THE HIGHWAY - DAY

	Maude careens down the highway dodging cars. The cop
	follows in hot pursuit. Suddenly Maude does a full left
	turn making a screeching half-circle and charging off down
	the highway in the opposite direction. Cars pull over out
	of her way. The cop does a similar U-turn and follows her.
	Maude immediately makes another U-turn and flies off down
	the highway in her original direction. The cop is taken
	unawares. Traffic around him is in total confusion. He
	dodges zigzagging cars, runs up onto the embankment, and
	stops.


101	INT. THE TRUCK - DAY

  				HAROLD
			(turns around
			badly shaken)
		He's stopped.

				MAUDE
			(brightly)
		The old double U-turn. Gets
		them every time.


102	EXT. THE HIGHWAY - DAY

	The truck continues on its merry way.


103	EXT. A PLEASANT GLADE IN THE FOREST - DAY

	Maude and Harold have just finished planting the tree;
	Maude is putting the finishing touches around the trunk.
	She stands up.

				MAUDE
		There. Oh, I like the feel of
		soil, don't you? And the smell.
		It's the earth. "The earth is
		my body. My head is in the stars."
			(little laugh)
		Who said that?

				HAROLD
		I don't know.

				MAUDE
		I suppose I did.
			(laughs)
		Well, farewell little tree. Grow
		up tall, and change, and fall to
		replenish the earth. Isn't it
		wonderful, Harold? All around us.
		Living things.


104	EXT. THE FOREST - DAY

	Harold and Maude are sitting in a tree.

   				MAUDE
		I come here as often as I can.
		It's exhilarating. What do you
		call it? Nature! Life! Soul!
		God! At any rate, it's here, and...

	We PULL BACK on the ZOOM and see they are sitting in the
	top branches of a very tall tree.

				MAUDE
		... we are part of it.


105	INT. PICK-UP TRUCK - DAY

	SAME SIDE ANGLE AS SHOT 96, except now the truck is
	traveling from screen right to screen left. Maude is
	driving; Harold sits beside her. Maude looks at Harold.
	He smiles. She smiles.


106	EXT. THE HIGHWAY - LONG SHOT - DAY

	We see the truck, now without the tree, go driving down the
	road. We see the cop on the motorbike. It is the same
	one as before. He sees the truck, grits his teeth, and
	speeds on after it. With SIRENS blazing he signals Maude
	to pull well off the road, and around so that it is facing
	the fields. The cop gets of his bike and goes over to
	them.

 				COP
		Okay, lady. Out.

				MAUDE
		Hello.

	She doesn't quite recognize him.

				MAUDE
		Haven't we met before?

				COP
		None of that, lady.

				MAUDE
			(genuinely)
		Oh, well. Must have been your
		brother.

				COP
		Out!

	Maude gets out.

				MAUDE
		But there is a family resemblance.

				COP
			(to Harold)
		You too, Buster. Stand over here.
		Lady, you're in a heap of trouble.
		I have you down here for several
		violations; speeding, resisting
		arrest, driving without a license,
		driving a stolen vehicle, possession
		of a stolen tree... Where's the tree?

				MAUDE
		We planted it.

				COP
		Is this your shovel?

				MAUDE
		No.

				COP
		Possession of a stolen shovel.

				MAUDE
		Officer, I can explain.

				COP
		Lady, resisting arrest is a
		serious criminal offense. Under
		the state criminal code, section
		545, paragraph 10-B...

				MAUDE
		Oh, don't get officious. You're
		not yourself when you're officious.
		That's the curse of a government
		job.

				COP
			(patiently)
		Lady, is it true you're driving
		without a license?

				MAUDE
			(equally as
			patient)
		Check.

				COP
		And that truck - is it registered
		in your name?

				MAUDE
		Oh no! Not in my name.

				COP
		Then whose name is it registered
		in?

				MAUDE
		Well, I don't know. Do you know,
		Harold?

				COP
		Where are the papers?

				MAUDE
		I suppose they are in the truck.
		Are you going to take a lot of
		time with this?

				COP
		Wait here.

				MAUDE
		Because if you are...

				COP
		Lady! Be quiet.

	The cop goes over to the truck. We FOLLOW him as he sits
	in the front seat, opens the glove compartment, and begins
	looking through some papers. Suddenly he hears the start
	of an engine. He looks up. Maude is on the motorcycle,
	revving it up, and motioning Harold to get on board.

 				MAUDE
		Grab the shovel, Harold.

	Harold hesitates. He looks over at the cop, who begins to
	get out of the truck. He makes up his mind, grabs the
	shovel, jumps on the seat behind Maude, and they both go
	careening off down the road. The cop takes out his gun.

				COP
		Stop! Or I'll shoot!

 	He fires several times.


107	CLOSEUP - MAUDE ON THE BIKE

	She hears the shots.

				MAUDE
		Oh! It's just like the Resistance.

	She begins maneuvering the bike in defensive zigzag
	patterns.


108	LONG SHOT - THE HIGHWAY

	The cop, helpless, watches them disappear over the hill.


109	INT. GLAUCUS' STUDIO - NIGHT

	The ice block is as we saw it the first night - unfinished
	and melting. Glaucus, bundled up in his winter clothes,
	falters towards it with a heavy hammer and chisel. He is
	fighting off sleep as only a very old man can. He manages
	a blow on the ice and then shuffles back to see its
	effect. He mumbles all the time.

				GLAUCUS
		The bitter dregs of Fortune's
		cup to drain - The Iliad...
		Almost finished... Gotta make
		it... Going to make it...
		Liberate Love... Set her free.

	He staggers to the statue and back again.

	Harold and Maude enter, laughing.

   				MAUDE
		Oh, those motorcycles are awfully
		chilly.

				HAROLD
		Yeah. And it is cold in here.
		Hello, Glaucus.

				GLAUCUS
		Cold... Yes... Yes... Gotta turn
		up the heat... Excuse me...

	He turns up the heat.

 				HAROLD
		Here's your shovel.

				GLAUCUS
		What?... Oh yes... Shovel... Create
		... Verily these issues lie in the
		lap of the gods... Iliad... Just
		sit down for a minute.

	Glaucus wanders over to his couch and sits, still mumbling.

   				GLAUCUS
		Not giving up... Just for a minute
		... Then once more up the hill...

	Harold walks over to the ice sculpture.

				HAROLD
		I think I see it.

				MAUDE
		Yes. It's almost there.

	Glaucus, his eyes barely open, gets up and shuffles in
	place as if he is walking over to the statue. He works
	his tools in the air and then shuffles in place as if he
	is walking back. He examines his work. He sits.

  				GLAUCUS
		Yes... almost done... have a
		little rest. Not long... Just
		a little rest... then once more
		up the hill...

	He falls back slowly asleep.

 				HAROLD
		I think he's asleep.

	Glaucus pops up.

 				GLAUCUS
		Aha! Morpheus. I'll...

	He mumbles and makes an effort to raise his tools. His
	eyes close, but he is still fighting.

  				GLAUCUS
		Gonna make it... Gonna make it...
		Make it...

	He drifts back against the cushions still holding the tools
	in his hand. He is finally asleep.

	Harold and Maude have been watching Glaucus's gallant battle.
	Maude smiles and turns to go. Harold looks at the sculpture.

 				HAROLD
		The ice is melting.

				MAUDE
		Yes.

				HAROLD
		Don't you think we should turn
		off the heat?

				MAUDE
			(brightly)
		Why? There'll be a new block of
		ice in the morning.


110	INT. MAUDE'S PLACE - NIGHT

	Maude and Harold are dressed in bright Japanese kimonos.
	They are relaxing on cushions in the Japanese nook after
	having just finished supper. Maude puffs pleasantly on a
	hookah.

 				HAROLD
		I like Glaucus.

				MAUDE
		Yes, so do I. But I think he
		is a little... old-fashioned.
		Like a puff, Harold?

				HAROLD
		Well, I really don't smoke.

				MAUDE
		It's all right.
			(she offers him
			the hose)
		It's organic.

				HAROLD
			(smokes)
		I'm sure picking up on vices.

				MAUDE
		Vice? Virtue? It's best not to
		be too moral. You cheat yourself
		out of too much life. Aim above
		morality. As Confucius says,
		"Don't simply be good. Make good
		things happen."

				HAROLD
		Did Confucius say that?

				MAUDE
		Well --
			(she smiles)
		- they say he was very wise, so
		I'm sure he must have.

				HAROLD
		You are the wisest person I know.

				MAUDE
		Me!
			(she laughs and
			shakes her head)
		When I look around me I know I
		know nothing. I remember though,
		once long ago in Persia, we met a
	 	wise man in the bazaar. He was
		a professional and used to sell
		his wisdom to anyone willing to
		pay. His specialty for tourists
		was a maxim engraved on the head
		of a pin. "The wisest," he said,
		"the truest, the most instructive
		words for all men at all times."
		Frederick bought one for me and
		back at the hotel I peered through
		a magnifying glass to read the
		words - "And this too shall pass
		away."
			(fluttery laugh)
		Well, the wise man was right - if
		you remember that, you can't help
		but live life fully.

				HAROLD
		Yes. I haven't lived.
			(he suddenly
			giggles)
		I've died a few times.

				MAUDE
		What was that?

				HAROLD
			(he is getting
			a little high)
		Died! Seventeen times - not
		counting maiming.
			(he laughs)
		Shot myself in the face once with
		a popgun and a pellet of blood.

				MAUDE
			(laughing with him)
		How ingenious! Tell me about them.

				HAROLD
		Well, it's a question of timing,
		and the right equipment, and plenty
		of patience... You really want to
		hear about this?

				MAUDE
		Of course.

				HAROLD
			(he smiles)
		Okay.

	Partly because of the pot, but mostly because he has found
	a friend, Harold opens up for the first time in his life.
	As he gets into the story he tells it with such animation
	and delight that we are amazed at all the fun and zest he
	has kept locked up inside him.

				HAROLD
		Well, the first time it wasn't
		even planned. It was when I was
		at boarding school and they were
		getting ready for the school
		Centennial Celebration and they
		put all the fireworks and food
		and stuff in this room in the
		West Wing. Well, on the floor
		above they had the Chemistry Lab
		and I had to stay in and clean
		it up. So I thought I'd do a
		little experimenting. I got all
		this stuff out and began mixing
		it up. It was very scientific.
		I was measuring the amounts.
		Well, suddenly there was this big
		fizzing sound and this white kind
		of porridge stuff began erupting
		out of the beaker, and moving along
		the desk and falling onto the floor.
		It was making an awful mess. So I
		got the hose to try to spray it
		into the sink. I turned on the
		water and - POW! There was this
		massive explosion. Knocked me down.
		Blew out the floor. Boards and
		brick and flames leaping up. Singed
		my hair. Smoke everywhere. I got
		up, then this sound like bombs
		going off. It was the fireworks
		in the room below. And all this
		stuff came flying out the hole.
		PACHAU! Skyrockets and pinwheels.
		And fire balls all whizzing and
		bouncing. And I was just standing
		there stunned - I couldn't believe
		it - just watching - being pelted
		by all these little pellets - turns
		out to be the goddamn popcorn spewed
		up from below. The whole place was
		a crazy inferno with the rockets
		and everything, and I couldn't get
		to the door. But behind me was
		this old laundry chute, so I
		hopped in that and slid down that to
		the basement. When I got outside
		I saw that the whole top of the
		building was on fire and, of course,
		it was pandemonium with people
		running around and fire alarms
		ringing. So I decided to go home.
		When I get there my mother is having
		this big party so I creep up the
		back stairs to my room. Then there
		is this ring on the doorbell. It's
		the police. I creep over to the
		banister to see what they say, and
		they tell my mother that I had
		been killed in a fire at school.
		Well, everyone got very quiet.

	Harold has calmed down and speaks in a matter of fact way.

				HAROLD
			(continuing)
		People were whispering and looking
		at my mother.

		I tried leaning forward to see her
		face but I couldn't.
			(slowly)
		She began to sway. She put one
		hand to her forehead. With the
		other she reached out, as if groping
		for support. Two men rushed to her
		side and then - with a long, low
		sigh - she collapsed in their arms.
			(pause)
		I decided then I enjoyed being
		dead.

	Maude doesn't say anything for a moment. Then she speaks
	softly.

   				MAUDE
		Yes. I understand. A lot of people
		enjoy being dead. But they are not
		dead really. They're just backing
		away from life.
			(with a twinkle)
		They're players - but they sit on
		the bench. The game goes on before
		them. At any moment they can join
		in.
			(she jumps up
			and shouts)
		Reach out! Take a chance! Get
		hurt maybe. But play as well as
		you can.
			(she leads a
			cheer before
			the stands)
		Go team, go! Give me an "L."
		Give me an "I."  Give me a "V."
		Give me an "E." LIVE!!!!!
			(she sits down
			by Harold, quietly
			composed)
		Otherwise you'll have nothing to
		talk about in the locker room.

				HAROLD
			(smiles)
		I like you, Maude.

				MAUDE
			(smiles)
		I like you, Harold.
			(pause)
		Come, I'll teach you to waltz.

	Music comes in from nowhere. Harold joins Maude and,
	though they both realize how ridiculous they look waltzing
	in kimonos, they begin to dance, and thoroughly enjoy it.

	We go into a MONTAGE as they dance together, similar to
	the one Maude danced alone. They dance on the beach, the
	forest, the fields, the hills, and end up back in her
	apartment for the courtly finale.


111	EXT. THE CHASEN'S BACK YARD - DAY

	Mrs. Chasen and EDITH FERN come out of the house and walk
	toward the garage area. Edith, the second computer date,
	is short, mousy, and looks like a female Don Knotts.

				MRS. CHASEN
		This way, Edith. Harold is out
		by the garage. He has a new car
		and he has been tuning it up.
		He's very mechanical.

				EDITH
		What kind of a car is it?


112	EXT. THE GARAGE AREA - DAY

	They come around the corner.

   				MRS. CHASEN
		It's a little MG roadster...

   	She stops dead in her tracks at what she sees.


113	MRS. CHASEN POV

   	Harold is putting the final polish on the car. The car,
	however, has changed. It is now black, with a squared-off
	top, a long back, black velvet curtains, and silver trim.
	As Edith says...

				EDITH
		Oh. It looks like a hearse.
			(a pause)
		Very nice. Compact.

				MRS. CHASEN
			(continuing despite
			the blow)
		Edith, I'd like you to meet my
		son, Harold. Harold, this is
		Edith... eh?

				EDITH
		Fern. I'm very pleased to make
		your acquaintance.

	Harold nods a greeting and they shake hands.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Harold, I think you should go and
		wash up and meet us in the den.
		And remember what I said to you.
		Let's make Edith feel at home.


114 	INT. CHASEN'S DEN - DAY

   	Edith and Mrs. Chasen are seated having coffee.

   				MRS. CHASEN
		And what do you do, my dear?

				EDITH
		I'm a file clerk - Harrison Feed
		and Grain.

				MRS. CHASEN
		How interesting.

				EDITH
		Not very.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Oh. Well, what is it exactly
		that you do?

				EDITH
		I'm in charge of all the invoices
		for the southwest. We supply,
		for example, most of the egg
		farmers in Southern California.
		So you can imagine.

 	She sips her coffee.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Yes.

 	She sips hers. Harold enters.

   				MRS. CHASEN
		Here's Harold now. No, don't
		get up.

 	Edith sits. Harold sits. A pause.

   				MRS. CHASEN
			(continuing)
		Edith was just telling me about
		her job.

				EDITH
		I'm a file clerk.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Yes. Henderson Feed and Grain.

   				EDITH
			(corrects her)
		Harrison. Harrison Feed and
		Grain... At Hamilton and Fourth...
		I'm in charge of the invoices...
		And I type up the schedule for
		the trucking fleet...

				MRS. CHASEN
		She supplies the whole southwest
		with chicken feed.

				EDITH
			(modestly)
		Well, not all the southwest.
		Although we do have a large
		business... Barley was very big
		last week...  Fifteen hundred...

   	Harold pulls out a meat cleaver. His left hand rests on
	the table. With one great swoop he cuts it of at the
	wrist. Calmly he puts his amputated arm in his lap as
	Edith pauses in her story. Mrs. Chasen rolls her eyes
	and sighs. Edith loOkS at the bloody hand on the table
	and cannot continue.

				EDITH
		... bushels.

   	She begins violent retchings and tumbles forward to the
	floor.

	Harold looks over at Mrs. Chasen.

  	Mrs. Chasen looks over at Harold.


115	INSERT CLOSEUP - UNCLE VICTOR - SAME AS IN SHOT 27 EXCEPT
	RIGHT PROFILE

   				UNCLE VICTOR
		I'd put him in the Army, Helen.


116 	EXT. LONG SHOT - THE MEADOW - DAY

	Harold and Maude have just finished having a picnic.


117	MEDIUM SHOT - THE MEADOW - DAY

	Maude is putting the things away. Harold lies on his back
	and looks at the sky.

				HAROLD
		Look at that sky.
			(pause)
		It's so big.

				MAUDE
		It's so blue.

				HAROLD
		And beyond the blue is the blackness
		of the cosmos.

				MAUDE
		Spreckled with uncountable stars.
		The stars are shining right now.
		We just can't see them. Just
		another instance of all that's
		going on that is beyond human
		perception.

				HAROLD
			(he sits up)
		Maude, do you pray?

				MAUDE
		Pray? No.
			(pause)
		I communicate.
			(she smiles)

				HAROLD
			(smiling)
		With God?

				MAUDE
		With Life.

	They look at each other and smile.

				HAROLD
		This is really nice. Makes me
		feel like a kid. I want to do
		somersaults .

				MAUDE
		Well, why don't you?

				HAROLD
		No. I'd feel stupid.

				MAUDE
		Harold, everyone has the right to
		make an ass out of themselves.
		You just can't let the world judge you
		too much.

   	Harold shrugs "Okay." He does a somersault in the grass.
	He laughs.

 				HAROLD
		Want to join me in some cartwheels?

				MAUDE
		No. I feel more like - yodeling.

				HAROLD
		Yodeling?

   	Maude YODELS. Loud and long. Harold joins in. Their
	combined voices ECHO across the valley and FADE OUT as
	we:

 						DISSOLVE TO:


118 	EXT. THE BEACH AT SUNSET

	The sun sits on the horizon. We PULL BACK to include
	Harold and Maude sitting on a rock and looking out at
	the reddening clouds and sea.

				MAUDE
			(poetically)
		It's sinking, Harold. Going
		over the horizon - where we are
		all going to go. It's getting
		dark. "Let each man hold on to
		his candle and get a light
		where'er he can."

				HAROLD
		Where's that?

				MAUDE
			(breaking the mood)
		From the guys who got the matches,
 		of course.
			(she laughs)

				HAROLD
			(smiling)
		Boy! It sure has been a wonderful
		day. And you - you are beautiful.

 	He takes her hand and kisses it.

   				MAUDE
		Oh, Harold. You make me feel
		like a schoolgirl.

				HAROLD
		Shall I drop by tomorrow?
			(remembers)
		Oh, I have a luncheon date. With
		this girl.

				MAUDE
		Oh.

				HAROLD
		I've never met her. My mother set
		it up.

				MAUDE
		Well, be kind. I've lived a long
		time, Harold, seen evil as well as
		good, and it has been my experience
		that kindness...

	As Maude is talking and looking out to sea, Harold looks
	down at her hand in his. She is not wearing a long-sleeved
	dress and we see a number tattooed on her skin: P-876954.
	Maude doesn't notice but Harold is visibly shocked.

				MAUDE
			(continuing)
		... is what the world sorely lacks.
		Oh, look!

	Maude points and Harold looks out to sea.


119	THEIR POV

   	A sea gull flies across the reddening sky.


120	TWO SHOT

 	Harold still holds Maude's hand.

   				MAUDE
		Dreyfus once wrote that on
		Devil's Island he would see the
		most glorious birds. Many
		years later in Britanny he
		realized they had only been sea
		gulls.

	She smiles at Harold and looks back out to sea.

				MAUDE
			(continuing)
		To me they will always be -
		glorious birds.

	Harold keeps looking at Maude. The sun on the horizon
	begins slowly to sink.


121 	INT. CHASEN'S DEN - DAY

 	Mrs. Chasen is talking to Harold.

   				MRS. CHASEN
		Harold, I cannot impress upon
		you too strongly the importance
		of this meeting. She is the
		last girl. The Computer Dating
		Company was reluctant to send
		anyone in view of what they've
		heard. Fortunately, I was able
		to demand they stand by their
		original agreement. But kindly
		remember this is your third
		and final chance.

 	The doorbell rings.

   				MRS. CHASEN
		Here she is, now. Please try
		to take this seriously, if not
		for your sake, at least for hers.

	Mrs. Chasen leaves. Harold grits his teeth, and breathes
	deeply. He is going to try. He goes to a mirror and
	straightens his tie.  He hears approaching voices and he
	turns to greet them.

	Mrs. Chasen enters with SUNSHINE DORE, a stringy, long-
	haired actress. Harold goes up to meet her.

				MRS. CHASEN.
		Harold, I'd like you to meet
		eh, Sunshine Dore. Sunshine's
		an actress.

				SUNSHINE
		I like to think so.

				HAROLD
		How do you do?

				SUNSHINE
		Can't complain.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Well, I'll leave you two alone
		for a moment. I have to call
		my hairdresser. I'll bring back
		some drinks. Harold, perhaps
		Starlight would like a cigarette.

				SUNSHINE
		Eh, Sunshine.

				MRS. CHASEN.
		Oh, yes, of course.

	She exits.

				HAROLD
		Would you like a cigarette?

				SUNSHINE
		No, thank you. They stain my
		fingers.

 	Pause.

				HAROLD
		Is Sunshine your real name?

				SUNSHINE
		Well, actually, it was the name
		of my drama teacher - Louis
		Sunshine. Perhaps you've heard
		of him. He was such an influence
		on the development of my instrument.
		That means my body - in theatre
		talk. Well, when I came to Hollywood
		I felt the need to express the
		emerging me in a new form, so I
		took on "Sunshine."
		Dore is my real name... Well,
		Dore, actually. My, what a
		lovely place you have here.

	She goes to the piano.

				SUNSHINE
			(continuing)
		Do you play?

				HAROLD
		No. I'm learning the banjo.
		Do you?

				SUNSHINE
		Oh, I studied the guitar. I had
		to give it up. Gave me calluses
		on my fingers. As an actress I
		can't afford to have a tarnished
		instrument.

	She picks up a photograph.

				SUNSHINE
			(continuing)
		Oh, is this your father?

				HAROLD
		No. My uncle.

				SUNSHINE
		Oh, he's in the Army. I do so
		like the military, don't you?
		Those uniforms make men look so
		virile. I did "What Price Glory?"
		in summer stock. I played
		Charmaine - with a French accent.

	She goes over to the mantelpiece.

				SUNSHINE
			(continuing)
		Oh, what a wonderful collection
		of knives. May I see them?

	Harold gives up trying.

				HAROLD
		Certainly.

 	He takes one off the wall.

				HAROLD
			(continuing)
		This one is particularly
		interesting. It's a hari-kari
		blade.

				SUNSHINE
		Ohhh. What's hari-kari?

				HAROLD
		An ancient Japanese ceremony.

				SUNSHINE
		Like a tea ceremony?

				HAROLD
		No. Like this.

	With gusto he plunges the knife into his belly. He drops
	to his knees bleeding profusely. He continues the upper-
	cut and sidecut gouging with appropriate Oriental screams.
	He stops and tumbles forward - lifeless.

  	Sunshine stands in awe.  She slowly bends down.

				SUNSHINE
		Oh, that was marvelous, Harold.
		It had the ring of truth.
		Harold... Who did you study with?
		... Oh, I'm sorry. I don't want
		to break into your private moment.
		I know how exhausting true emotion
		can be. I played Juliet at the
		Sunshine Playhouse. Louie thought
		it was my best performance.

	She goes into Juliet.

				SUNSHINE
			(continuing)
		What's here? A cup, closed in
		my true love's hand? Poison, I
		see, hath been his timeless end.
		Oh churl! Drink all, and left
		no friendly drop to help me after?
		I will kiss thy lips.

	Harold opens his eyes. He can't believe this.

				SUNSHINE
			(continuing)
		Happily some poison yet doth
		hang on them - to make me die
		with a restorative .

	She kisses Harold, who immediately kneels up.

				SUNSHINE
			(continuing)
		Thy lips are warm!

	Harold, startled, knocks over an ashtray.

				SUNSHINE
			(continuing)
		Yea, noise? Then I'll be brief.
		Oh happy dagger!...

	She takes stunned Harold's dagger, pressing the blade
	back and forth in the handle to see how it operates.

				SUNSHINE
			(continuing)
		... Oh happy dagger! This is
		thy sheath.

	She stabs herself between the breasts.

				SUNSHINE
			(continuing)
		There rest--

	She staggers to the couch, clutching the dagger.

				SUNSHINE
			(continuing)
		- and let me die.

 	She collapses and expires.

	Harold gets up. He has never seen anything like it.
	He wanders around the couch as if he was looking at
	an idiot.

	Mrs. Chasen enters with a tray full of drinks, sees
	Sunshine dead on the couch, and drops them all with
	a loud crash. She looks over at a bewildered Harold.
	Summing up the situation, she flings out an accusing
	arm.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Harold! That was your last date!


122	CLOSEUP - HAROLD

	He doesn't know what to make of it.


123	CLOSEUP - MRS. CHASEN

	She is thoroughly steamed up. She makes a decision.


124	INSERT CLOSEUP UNCLE VICTOR - SAME FRAMING AS SHOT 27
	BUT LOOKING STRAIGHT ON

				UNCLE VICTOR
		I'd put him in the Army, Helen.


125	INT. MILITARY ESTABLISHMENT - CLOSEUP - DAY

   	Military file cabinet opened and hand removes a file.


126	INT. A MILITARY CORRIDOR - CLOSEUP - DAY

	The file is being carried by someone and then dropped
	into an "IN" box.


127	INT. A MILITARY OFFICE - CLOSEUP - DAY

	The file is taken out of the "IN" box, carried through
	a door, and placed on a desk.


127A	INT. UNCLE VICTOR'S OFFICE - CLOSEUP - DAY

	The file is opened by a pair of hands. We TILT UP to see
	whose hands they are. It is Uncle Victor who is studying
	the file with obvious pleasure.


127B	INT. THE CHASEN DEN - NIGHT

   	Mrs. Chasen stands before a seated Harold looking like a
	queen about to proclaim banishment. (As we DOLLY into
	her during her speech, we hear the hint of a DRUM ROLL.)

				MRS. CHASEN
		In view of your recent actions,
		Harold, I find you have left me
		with no recourse but to listen to
		the solution proposed by your
		uncle. Consequently, I have
		instructed him to take the necessary
		measures for you to be forthwith
		inducted into the service, and, for
		your own good, to take up active
		duty with the United States Army.

	Harold is thunderstruck - and scared.

   				MRS. CHASEN
			(continuing)
		I hope they will have more luck
		with you than I.


127C	EXT. BACK YARD BEHIND MAUDE'S - DAY

   	Maude is hoeing weeds in Madame Arouet's garden. Madame
	Arouet is working in the back. Harold comes up to Maude.

				HAROLD
		Maude, I must speak to you.

				MAUDE
		What is it, Harold?

				HAROLD
		They're going to draft me. In
		the Army. I'm going to be sent
		away.

				MAUDE
		But they can't do that. You
		haven't even got the vote.

				HAROLD
		But they have.

				MAUDE
		Well, don't go.

	She obviously is not perturbed about Harold's plight and
	seems more interested in gathering weeds.

				MAUDE
			(continuing)
		Perhaps war is part of the human
		condition. But it shouldn't be
		encouraged. Bring over that
		wheelbarrow, will you please?

	Harold goes to get the wheelbarrow.

				HAROLD
		But they'll put me in jail.

				MAUDE
		Really. Just put it there,
		Harold.

   	Harold puts down the wheelbarrow and Maude starts forking
	the weeds into it.

				MAUDE
			(continuing)
		They'd put you in jail, eh? Well,
		historically you'd be in very
		good company.
			(she laughs)
		That's what my husband used to
		say when we were in the French
		Underground dealing with the
		Gestapo. Would you like to do a
		little raking?
			(she wipes
			her brow)
		Work, I'm told, done with no
		selfish interest, purifies the mind.
		You sink your separate self and
		become one with the universal self.
		On the other hand, senseless labor
		is a bloody bore and should be
		scrupulously avoided.

				HAROLD
			(very concerned)
		Maude, do you think you can
		help me?

				MAUDE
		What? With your skill and my
		experience... I think we can come
		up with something.


127D 	INT. UNCLE VICTOR'S CAR - DAY

	Uncle Victor and Harold are seated in the back of the
	General's military limousine. As they ride along, Uncle
	Victor is being very expansive. Harold is being unusually
	attentive.

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Harold, I want you to look at me
		like your father in this matter.
		We'll spend the day just getting
		to know each other. Now, I know
		that you have no great desire to
		join the Army. Hell, I felt the
		same way myself when I started
		out. But believe me, Harold, once
		you get to know it, you'll love
		it. It's a great life. Look at
		me. A chauffeur. Respect. Money
		in the bank.
			(he looks at
			his empty
			sleeve)
		It has its drawbacks. Like
		anything else, I suppose. But
		the Army takes care of you. You
		join up, and you've got a buddy
		for life.


127E	EXT. A LARGE CITY PARK - DAY

 	The General and Harold have left the car and are walking
	along the path.  There are not many people about, mostly
	mothers with small children.

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Good idea of yours to come out
		here, Harold. It's a lovely spot.

				HAROLD
		Thank you, Uncle.

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Call me "sir," Harold. First thing
		you learn in the Army - an officer
		deserves your respect.

				HAROLD
		Yes, sir.

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Perfectly lovely. You know, this
		is what we're defending. Everything
		that's good and beautiful in the
		American way of life. Oh, there's
		some nut peace petitioner over there.
		Let's go off this way. Those crazy
		Commie bastards. I don't know why
		we tolerate 'em. Parasites.

	Harold looks over toward the peace petitioner.

				HAROLD
		Yes, sir.


127F	EXT. A TRAIL IN THE PARK - DAY

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Let's examine the facts on it. I
		say this country has been too harsh
		in its outright condemnation of war.
		I say you can point to many material
		advantages brought about by a crisis
		and conflict policy. Hell, World
		War II gave us the ballpoint pen.
		That's common knowledge.

				HAROLD
		During wartime the national suicide
		rate goes down.

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Is that a fact? Well, that fits
		in right along with everything I've
		been saying. War is not all black.

				HAROLD
		War is not all black.

	The trail splits in a fork. Harold, it seems, subtly
	leads the General to take the right. They walk on.


127G	EXT. ANOTHER PART OF THE PARK - DAY

	The General and Harold sit on a bench overlooking a
	reservoir.

				UNCLE VICTOR
		And so I ask you - why the hell did
		we give up on the Germans? Those
		damn politicians in Washington
		chalked them up on our side and the
		wars ever since have been a national
		disgrace. Hell, look at history.
		The two best wars this country has
		fought were against the Jerries.
		Now I say, get the Krauts on the
		other side of the fence where they
		belong, and let's get back to the
		kind of enemy worth killing and the
		kind of war this whole country can
		support.

				HAROLD
			(admiringly)
		Jeez, sir. That's pretty strong stuff.

 	They get up to go.

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Well, Harold, I've always been a man
		who speaks his mind. It's hurt me.
		I'm not liked in Washington. I know
		that. But I do have friends in high
		places.

	They walk off toward the reservoir.


127H	EXT. BY THE RESERVOIR - DAY

   	They are seated under a tree, close to the dam.

				UNCLE VICTOR
		They came at me from all sides,
		hundreds of 'em. We kept firing -
		Zat-Tat-Tat-Tat! "Throw the
		grenades," I shouted. "Mac, throw
		the grenades!" "He's dead," Joe
		said, and kept right on feeding me
		bullets.  Zat-Tat-Tat-Tat!  They
		kept falling, but they kept coming.
		Bullets whizzing all around me.
		Zot! Joe falls back with a neat
		red hole in his head. I thought I
		was done for. But I kept firing.
		Zat-Tat-Tat! Only one thought
		kept me going. Kill! Kill! For
		Mac, and Joe, and the rest of the
		guys. Kill! - a blinding flash.
		I wake up on a stretcher. "Did
		we hold?" I asked the medic. "Yes,
		sir," he said, and I slipped into
		unconsciousness.

				HAROLD
		Jeez! That's a great story,

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Well, you'll soon have stories like
		that to tell of your own.

				HAROLD
		You think so, sir?

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Sure. Be able to tell your children.
		Something for them to look up to. Be
		proud of.

				HAROLD
		I hope so, sir. Golly I never knew
		it could be so exciting.

				UNCLE VICTOR
		It's the greatest excitement in the
		world.

				HAROLD
			(pensively)
		To pit your own life against another.

				UNCLE VICTOR
		That's right.

				HAROLD
		To kill. The taste of blood in
		your mouth.

				UNCLE VICTOR
		The moment of truth.

				HAROLD
			(holding an
			imaginary rifle)
		Another man's life in your sights.

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Yes.

				HAROLD
			(he fires)
		ZAT!

 	Harold begins going into a state of catatonic excitement.

				HAROLD
		Will they really teach me to shoot?

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Oh, sure. A variety of weapons.

				HAROLD
		And to use the bayonet? PACHOIE!

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Oh sure.

				HAROLD
		How about hand-to-hand combat?

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Yes.

				HAROLD
		To strangle someone. Choke him.
		Squeeze out his life between your
		hands.

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Eh?

				HAROLD
		How about to slit his throat?

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Well, I don't...

				HAROLD
		I'd like that. You could see the
		blood squirt out.

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Harold, I think you're getting
		carried away here.

				HAROLD
		Sir, how about souvenirs?

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Souvenirs?

				HAROLD
		Of your kill - ears, nose, scalp,
		privates.

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Harold!

				HAROLD
		What's the chance of getting one
		of these?

	He pulls out a shrunken head.

				HAROLD
			(continuing)
		Boy, to think I could maybe make
		my own.

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Harold! That's disgusting!

				MAUDE'S VOICE
		It certainly is.

	They both look up. Maude is standing by the tree with
	her umbrella and a large peace sign. The General gets
	up.

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Who are you?

				MAUDE
		I am petitioning for peace and I
		came over here to speak...

				HAROLD
			(jumping up)
		Parasite!

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Harold!

				HAROLD
		Crazy parasite! Commie bastard!
		Get out of here.

				MAUDE
		Don't you talk to me like that, you
		little foul mouth degenerate!
			(to General)
		Really, sir, I thought that you at
		least...

				HAROLD
		Traitor! Benedict Arnold! Remember
		Nathan Hale, right, sir?

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Harold, calm down! This is...

				HAROLD
		She's a Commie pig. We're going
		to nail every last one...

				MAUDE
		Don't you advance on me.

				HAROLD
		... of you. You'll all end up
		like this.

	He holds out the shrunken head at her.

				MAUDE
		Filth! Filth!

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Lady, please. Harold...

				HAROLD
			(shaking the head)
		Just like this.

				MAUDE
			(throwing away her sign)
		Give me that.
			(she grabs the head)
		I'm going to throw it in the sewer
		where it belongs.

				HAROLD
			(stunned)
		She took my head.

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Stay where you are, Harold .

				HAROLD
		She took my head.

				MAUDE
		Keep away from me, you twisted
		pervert!

				UNCLE VICTOR
		Lady, please. Give back the head
		and let's have no trouble.

	Harold makes a grab for the head and Maude conks him
	with her umbrella. She turns and runs. Harold picks
	up the peace sign and wielding it like a club follows
	her.

				HAROLD
		I'll kill her. I'll kill her.

	Maude runs out on the edge of the dam, right past a
	sign saying "Danger - No Trespassing." The water is
	churning below, making a deafening racket. Harold follows
	her. The General runs after him. Maude beats off
	Harold with her umbrella. The General joins the fray
	and most of the blows fall on him. Much ad-libbing.
	Despite only having one arm the General manages to
	pull the sign away from Harold and throw it over the
	dam. It is quickly churned up by the treacherous
	water. Harold is holding Maude's umbrella. Maude is
	gamely trying to hold on to it and at the same time keep
	hold of the shrunken head. The General joins the tussle
	for the umbrella. Furious ad libs as they scuffle.
	The General finally wrenches it free. A pause. Harold
	looks at Maude's position, standing next to the General.
	He reaches over and pulls the General's lanyard. The
	empty sleeve comes flying up for a salute, knocking Maude
	over the dam and into almost certain death amid the
	rushing water below.

	A long pause. The two look down but there is no sign
	of Maude.

   	The General, his empty sleeve still at salute, looks
	around him. He can't believe it. Such a tragedy.
	Over nothing. It all happened so fast. How did it
	ever get so out of control? He looks over to Harold
	for some answers. Harold looks up.

				HAROLD
		I lost my head.


127I	CLOSEUP - UNCLE VICTOR

	On his face the shocking revelation that his nephew
	is a mental deficient.


127J	QUICK CUT MONTAGE

	Very fast shots of - The General's limousine taking off.
				- Some hands rubber-stamping a file.
				- The file closed and thrown into an
				  "Out" box
				- The file being filed in a drawer.
				- The drawer being slammed shut.


127K 	EXT. THE AMUSEMENT PARK - NIGHT

   	Three dancing skeletons cackle uproariously. They are
	afixed to dungeon-like doors. Suddenly the doors fly
	open and a little cart carrying Harold and Maude comes
	bursting out. They are laughing.


127L	EXT. LONG SHOT OF THE HAUNTED HOUSE - NIGHT

   	Harold and Maude get out of the little cart and walk
	toward the camera.

				HAROLD
		That wasn't very scary.

				MAUDE
		No. It had nothing on this afternoon.

				HAROLD
		Oh, you weren't scared.

				MAUDE
		Scared? Swimming underwater with
		that oxygen device of yours. I
		was petrified.

				HAROLD
		Come on, you loved it. It was a
		new experience.

	They both laugh.

				HAROLD
			(continuing)
		How about some candy floss?

				MAUDE
		Right on! It wouldn't be a celebration
		without it.


128 	EXT. AMUSEMENT PARK - NIGHT

   	Harold and Maude are walking down the fairway, eating
	candy floss and obviously enjoying themselves very much.


129	EXT. SHOT OF FERRIS WHEEL - NIGHT


130 	EXT. SHOT OF ROLLER COASTER - NIGHT


131	EXT. SHOT OF MERRY-GO-ROUND - NIGHT


132	INT. PENNY ARCADE ON THE PIER - NIGHT

	Harold and Maude are playing the hand-operated "soccer
	game." Maude puts her whole self into it, cheering
	enthusiastically for every goal she makes.

	People around her, particularly a STAID BANKER and his
	SOCIETY WIFE, look on from their rather dull pursuits.
	In fact, it seems that Harold and Maude are the only
	ones having any fun.

						DISSOLVE TO:


133	TIME LAPSE - TWENTY MINUTES LATER

	Maude and an ITALIAN GROCER have taken on the banker and
	his wife. The latter pair have really entered into the
	spirit of fun and are playing the game with joyous zest.
	A crowd around the table cheers the players on and, as
	is expected, Maude is the center of their delight.


134	INT. PENNY ARCADE - NIGHT

   	Back by the wall Harold looks at the group around Maude
	with open admiration. He turns to the machine by him,
	drops in a penny, and begins stamping out something in
	metal.

	Maude and the group play and laugh on in the background.


135	EXT. THE END OF THE PIER - NIGHT

   	Harold and Maude walk slowly to the edge.

				HAROLD
		You sure have a way with people.

				MAUDE
		Well, they're my species.

 	They both laugh and stop at the edge. On the shore -
	the lights of the amusement park. Out in front of them
	- the black ocean and the stars.

				HAROLD
		Look at the stars.

				MAUDE
		Yes. They're old friends.

				HAROLD
		Do you think there is any life
		up there?

				MAUDE
		I don't know. Perhaps.

				HAROLD
		Science thinks there isn't.
		That we are all alone in the
		universe.

				MAUDE
		We are alone - you and me and
		everybody. But we can look at
		those stars and maybe someone
		down the beach or across the
		sea in China is looking at them,
		too. Someone we don't know
		and most likely will never see
		- that someone is breathing
		along with us. And the star-
		gazers of the past - from
		peasant to princes - and the
		star-gazers of the future -
		all of us breathing and looking
		up there. We are alone - but
		look at the stars and never
		feel lonely.

				HAROLD
		You should have been a poet.

				MAUDE
		Oh, no. But I should have
		liked to have been an astronaut.
		A private astronaut able to
		just go out and explore. Like
		the men who sailed with Magellan,
		I want to see if we really can
		fall off the edge of the world.
			(fluttery laugh)
		What a joke it will be if like
		them I -

	She makes a circle with her arm.

				MAUDE
			(continuing)
		- end where I began.

				HAROLD
		Maude.

				MAUDE
		Yes.

				HAROLD
		Here.

	He gives her the little piece of metal.

				MAUDE
		Oh, a gift.

	She reads it.

				MAUDE
			(continuing)
		"Harold loves Maude."

 	She looks up. Harold is blushing.

				MAUDE
			(softly)
		And Maude loves Harold.

	They both smile at each other.

				MAUDE
		Ohhhhh! This is the nicest
		present I've received in years.

	She kisses it and tosses it happily into the ocean. She
	turns back to Harold. His face is one of disbelief. He
	looks out to the ocean and then back to Maude. He begins
	to form the word "Why?"

				MAUDE
		So I'll always know where it is.

	Harold accepts that. Women, after all, are strange
	creatures. Maude smiles.

				MAUDE
			(continuing)
		Come. Give me your arm. Let's
		go see the fireworks .

	Harold offers his arm and they walk off down the pier.


136	EXT. THE NIGHT SKY

 	The beautiful burst of a skyrocket.


137 	INT. MAUDE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

   	Harold and Maude sit at the piano. They are playing in
	duet the Love Waltz that they danced to. At the con-
	clusion they congratulate themselves delightedly. Harold
	gestures to the top of the piano.

				HAROLD
		Why are there no photographs
		in these frames?

				MAUDE
		I took them out.

				HAROLD
		Why?

				MAUDE
		They mocked me. They were
		representations of people I
		dearly loved yet they knew
		these people were gradually
		fading from me, and that in
		time all I would have left would
		be vague feelings - but sharp
		photographs! So I tossed them
		out. My memory fades, I know.
		But I prefer pictures made by
		me with feeling, and not by
		Kodak with silver nitrate.

				HAROLD
		I'll never forget you, Maude.
			(pause)
		But I would like a photo of
		you.

 	She laughs.

				MAUDE
		Well, let me see.

	She goes to the end of the bed and from beneath it, pulls
	out an old box. She opens it and looks about.

				MAUDE
		I have something somewhere.
		Let me see.

	She takes out some papers.

				MAUDE
			(continuing)
		Oh, yes. Here. Take this.

	She pulls a photo from a document and hands it to Harold.

				MAUDE
			(continuing)
		It's off my American visa.

	They both sit on the edge of the bed. The fire burns
	in the fireplace in front of them.

				HAROLD
		It looks like you. Thanks.

				MAUDE
		Harold, that picture is almost
		twenty-five years old.

				HAROLD
		You haven't changed a bit. I'll
		put it in my wallet.

	He drops a cardboard clipping and hurriedly retrieves it.

				HAROLD
		Oh, you're not supposed to see
		that.

	He turns away and puts them both in his wallet.

				HAROLD
			(continuing)
		It's part of a surprise I'm
		planning for tomorrow night.
		It's going to be really...
			(he turns around)
		Maude, you're crying.

	She holds the visa in her hand.

				MAUDE
		I was remembering how much this
		meant to me. It was after the
		war... I had nothing... except
		my life. How different I was
		then - and yet how the same.

				HAROLD
		You've never cried before. I
		never thought you would. I
		thought, despite anything, you
		could always be happy.

				MAUDE
		Oh, Harold. You are so young.

	She strokes his hair. The tears continue to fall.

				MAUDE
			(continuing)
		What have they taught you?
		Yes. I cry. I cry for you.
		I cry for this.
			(the visa)
		I cry at beauty - a first snow,
		a rose, a sunset.

	As she talks through her tears, Harold is very moved.
	He takes her hand.

				MAUDE
			(continuing)
		I cry when a man tortures his
		brother... when he repents and
		begs forgiveness... when
		forgiveness is refused... and
		when it is granted. To cry is
		to laugh. To laugh is to cry
		... a uniquely human trait.
		And the main thing in life, my
		dear Harold, is not to be
		afraid to be human.

	They sit facing each other on the end of the bed. We
	see from the bed the fire glowing behind them. Harold
	brushes the tears from her eyes. He leans forward and
	kisses her lightly on the lips.

	They part for a moment. Then both lean forward and
	kiss again, break and fall back onto the bed and OUT
	OF CAMERA. The CAMERA ZOOMS SLOWLY FORWARD into the
	fire. HOLD.

						DISSOLVE TO:

138	THE NIGHT MONTAGE - WITH MUSIC

	A lot of the sequence is soft focus, blurred edges, and
	supered with colored carnival lights.

	The images are not meant to appear overtly sexual but
	rather - lyrically sensual - and fun!


139	HAROLD AND MAUDE

	together in a Ferris Wheel as it begins to rise to the
	heights.


140	HAROLD AND MAUDE ON A MERRY-GO-ROUND

	holding hands across the aisle as their horses alternately
	go up and down.


141	HAROLD AND MAUDE

	on a roller coaster as it speeds around a curve and
	plunges downhill. As it speeds around another curve
	we burst into:


142	FIREWORKS

	A hundred skyrockets bursting in air, with much NOISE.
	The noise fades.


143	HAROLD AND MAUDE

	lying on the grass, looking up at the fireworks reflected
	in their faces. Their heads are nestled against each
	other's shoulders. They look at each other and smile.
	Harold lifts his outside arm and lays it around his head.
	Maude puts her outside hand in his. They hold this
	position and stare into each other's eyes, as the CAMERA
	BEGINS A VERTICAL RISE.

						DISSOLVE BACK TO:


144	THE FIRE IN MAUDE'S APARTMENT

	at the same CAMERA POSITION that we went out on. The
	fire is now out. The grate is cold. It is daylight.

	We HEAR a cock crow.


145	INT. MAUDE'S APARTMENT - DAY

   	TIGHT SHOT of a hand picking cigarette ash into an ash-
	tray. We PAN over and see that it is Harold sitting up
	in bed, bare-chested, casually smoking. He takes a deep
	drag and blows the smoke out in a manner that is decidedly
	sexual. He smiles and looks down to his left.

	We PAN OVER to include Maude lying beside him, the covers
	demurely pulled up to her chin. She catches Harold's
	smile and blushes coyly.


146	INT. CHASEN'S DEN - DAY

 	Mrs. Chasen is on the phone.

   				MRS. CHASEN
		Fay, darling, I know Rene will
		be furious but if you knew what
		I've had to put up with in the
		last couple of days...

	Harold enters.

				HAROLD
		Mother.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Not now, Harold...
			(into the phone)
		You can't put me down for Monday?

				HAROLD
		Mother.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Harold, please! I'm on the
		phone.

				HAROLD
		Mother. I'm going to get
		married.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Fay, I'll call you back.
			(she hangs up)
		What did you say?

				HAROLD
		I'm getting married.

				MRS. CHASEN
			(pause)
		To whom?

				HAROLD
		To a girl. Here.

	He takes his wallet with the series of photos on it,
	flips to one, and hands it to Mrs. Chasen. She looks
	at it for a moment. She looks up.

				MRS. CHASEN
		I suppose you think this is
		very funny, Harold.

				HAROLD
		What?

				MRS. CHASEN
		A sunflower?

	She hands Harold back the wallet. It is indeed the
	picture of a large sunflower, clipped from a dealer's
	catalog. Harold, a little ruffled, finds the correct
	photo of Maude and hands it to his mother.

	Mrs. Chasen examines it. She squints her eyes to clear
	her vision and looks again.

				MRS. CHASEN
			(in a strained voice)
		You can't be serious?


147 	CLOSEUP - HAROLD

	He smiles proudly.


148 	INT. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE - DAY

	Mrs. Chasen is lying on the couch. She turns to the
	psychiatrist.

				MRS. CHASEN
		He's serious.


149 	INT. UNCLE VICTOR'S OFFICE - DAY

	Uncle Victor sits at his desk. A picture of the Presi-
	dent of the United States is over his right shoulder.
	He is addressing the camera as the President addresses
	the nation.

				UNCLE VICTOR
			(a painful confrontation)
		Harold, your mother has spoken to me
		about your marriage plan, and though
		normally I have nothing against
		marriage, I don't think this is eh...
		quite normal. Now, I don't want to
		remind you of the unpleasant incident
		that occurred the other day. I think
		it is best if we consider that
		forgotten. But I do think that it
		would be wisest for you not to leave
		the house or indulge in any kind of
		activity that would be newsworthy.
		This marriage would attract attention,
		and, frankly Harold, I don't think you
		need a wife. You need a nurse.


150	INT. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE - DAY

   	The psychiatrist sits at his desk. A picture of Sigmund
	Freud is over his right shoulder. He too seems to be
	addressing the nation.

				PSYCHIATRIST
		There's no doubt, Harold, this
		impending marriage adds another
		chapter to an already fascinating
		case. But let us examine it, and
		I think you'll realize there is a
		simple Freudian explanation for
		your romantic attachment to this
		older woman. It is known as the
		Oedipus Complex, a very common
		neurosis, particularly in this
		society, whereby the male child
		subconsciously wishes to sleep
		with his mother.

		Of course, what puzzles me,
		Harold, is that you want to
		sleep with your grandmother.


151 	INT. PRIEST'S OFFICE - DAY

   	It is the same little old priest we have met earlier.
	He sits at his desk and addresses the camera like a TV
	audience. A picture of the Pope is over his right
	shoulder; a picture of Jesus Christ over his left.

				PRIEST
			(very reasoned and slow)
		Now, Harold, the Church has
		nothing against the union of
		the old and the young. Each
		age has its own beauty. But a
		marital union is concerned with
		the conjugal rights. And the
		procreation of children. I
		would be remiss in my duties if
		I did not tell you that the
		idea of --
			(he swallows)
		- intercourse - the fact of
		your young, firm --
			(growing
			disturbed)
		-- body commingling with the
		withered flesh, sagging breasts,
		and flabby buttocks - makes me --
			(falls apart)
		- want to vomit.


152	INT. CHASEN'S DEN - CLOSEUP - HAROLD - DAY

   				HAROLD.
		But you didn't ask if I love
		her.


153 	INSERTS - THREE FAST CLOSEUPS

  	of Uncle Victor, the psychiatrist, and the priest, as
	they register a chagrined reaction to Harold.


154 	INT. CHASEN'S DEN - DAY

   	The CLOSEUP HAROLD in Shot 152 is PULLED BACK to include
	Mrs. Chasen.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Love? Love? What do you know
		about her? Where does she come
		from? Where did you meet her?

				HAROLD
		At a funeral.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Oh... That's wonderful... I
		get an eighty-year-old pallbearer
		for a daughter-in-law! Be
		reasonable, Harold! You're
		dealing with your life! What
		will people say?!

				HAROLD
		I don't care what people say.

				MRS. CHASEN
		You don't care! "Miss Shroud
		of 1890 Weds the Boy of a
		Thousand Deaths!" Listen to me...

 	Harold gets up to go.

				MRS. CHASEN
		What are you doing, Harold?
		You can't leave me.

	She follows him to the door.

				MRS. CHASEN
			(continuing)
		Where are you going?

	He turns at the door.

				HAROLD
		I'm going to marry the woman
		I love.

				MRS. CHASEN
		Harold!

 	A pause.

				MRS. CHASEN
			(continuing;
			quietly)
		This is insane.

				HAROLD
		Perhaps it is.

	He leaves.


155	INT. MAUDE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

  	In the hallway Harold and Maude are giggling as Harold
	finishes putting a blindfold around Maude's eyes.

				HAROLD
		I hope that isn't too tight.
		Okay. Here we go.

	He opens the door leading her by the hand.

				MAUDE
		Oh, I love surprises! Makes me
		feel so - chiffon!


156	INT. MAUDE'S APARTMENT - THE MAIN ROOM

	The door opens and Harold leads in Maude. He stands
	Maude in front of the CAMERA and with theatrical bravado
	removes the handkerchief. She blinks and looks around.
	A radiant joy fills her face.


157	MAUDE'S POV

   	The room is filled with over a hundred sunflowers.
	Hanging over the fireplace is a banner saying:

			"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAUDE"


158	MED. SHOT - HAROLD AND MAUDE

				MAUDE
		Oh, Harold, it is dazzling.
		They are all so... so beautiful!

	Harold begins humming the Love Waltz.

				HAROLD
		This way, m'lady.

	He dances Maude over to the table.

				HAROLD
			(continuing)
		Supper for two.

				MAUDE
		Oh, you've thought of everything.
		And champagne.

				HAROLD
			(imitating her)
		It's all right. It's organic.

				MAUDE
		Oh, Harold.
			(fluttery laugh)

				HAROLD
		For you.

	He hands her a single daisy in a vase. Maude takes out
	the daisy and smiles.

				HAROLD
			(continuing)
		And after dinner, one more
		surprise....

	He puts a tiny ring box on the table.

				HAROLD
			(continuing)
		... which I hope will make
		you very happy.

				MAUDE
		Oh, I am happy, Harold.
		Ecstatically happy. I couldn't
		imagine a lovelier farewell.

				HAROLD
		Farewell?

				MAUDE
		Why yes. It's my eightieth
		birthday.

				HAROLD
		But you're not going anywhere, are you?

				MAUDE
		Oh yes, dear. I took the pills
		an hour ago. I should be gone
		by midnight.


159	CLOSEUP - HAROLD

 	He can't believe it.


160	CLOSEUP - MAUDE

	She smiles.


161	CLOSEUP - HAROLD

 	He believes it.

 						QUICK CUT TO:


162 	EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET - NIGHT

 	With SIRENS WAILING, an ambulance tears around a corner.
	Cars pull over as it speeds down the street.


163	INT. THE AMBULANCE - NIGHT

   	Maude is lying down. She holds the daisy in her hand.
	She would be perfectly happy but for her concern over
	Harold, who is highly overwrought and crying desperately.

	He is kneeling beside her. The SIRENS WAIL loudly
	outside.

				MAUDE
		Oh, Harold! What a fuss this is.
			(fluttery laugh)
		So unnecessary.

				HAROLD
		Maude, please. Don't die.
		I couldn't bear it. Please,
		don't die.

				MAUDE
		But, Harold, we begin to die
		as soon as we are born. What
		is so strange about death? It's
		no surprise. It's part of
		life. It's change.

				HAROLD
		But why now?

				MAUDE
		I thought eighty was a good
		round number.

 	She giggles.

				MAUDE
			(continuing)
		I feel giddy.

				HAROLD
		But Maude, you don't understand.
		I love you. Do you hear me?
		I've never said that to anyone
		in my life before. You're the
		first. Maude. Please don't
		leave me.

				MAUDE
		Oh, Harold, don't upset
		yourself so.

				HAROLD
		It's true. I can't live without
		you.

				MAUDE
			(smiles warmly)
		"And this too shall pass away."

				HAROLD
		Never! Never! I'll never forget
		you. I wanted to marry you.
		Don't you understand! I love
		you. I love you!

				MAUDE
		Oh! That's wonderful, Harold.
		Go - and love some more.


164 	EXT. THE PARKING LOT OF HOSPITAL EMERGENCY - NIGHT

  	The ambulance SCREAMS in and stops. The two attendants
	open up the back. They slide Maude onto a gurney and
	wheel her toward the door.

				HAROLD
		Hold on, Maude! Hold on!
		We'll be there soon. Please,
		just hold on.

	He runs ahead.

				MAUDE
		Hold on?  Hold on?
			(fluttery laugh)
		Oh, Harold, how absurd.

	Harold goes to push open the doors. They open auto-
	matically. Maude is wheeled through.


165	INT. AT THE EMERGENCY RECEIVING DESK - NIGHT

   	A feisty, old, redheaded NURSE is explaining operations
	to a rather simpleminded STUDENT NURSE.

	A GANGLING INTERN with horn-rimmed glasses looks on.

	Maude enters on the gurney. The ambulance men move
	off to the back counter and talk as they fill out their
	forms.

	Harold is almost hysterical.

	Maude, on the other hand, is very calm. She holds the
	daisy and hums to herself Maude's Song.

	(NOTE: This scene goes very fast with much of the
	dialogue dovetailed and ad libs overlapping in the
	background.)

				HAROLD
		Please. There's been an
		accident, an overdose of pills.
		We've got to see a doctor. It's
		an emergency.

				HEAD NURSE
		All right, now go ahead and
		get the particulars.

				STUDENT NURSE
		Eh, what's your name?

				HAROLD
		It's not me. It's her.

				HEAD NURSE
		It's better to begin by asking
		last name first, then first
		name, then middle name or
		initial, if any. It saves
		time.

				STUDENT NURSE
		What is your last name?

				MAUDE
		Chardin. Dame Marjorie. But
		you may call me Maude.

				HAROLD
		Please! She has got to see a
		doctor right away.

				HEAD NURSE
		Young man, perhaps you ought to
		wait in the waiting room.

				STUDENT NURSE
		How old are you?

				MAUDE
		Eighty. It's my birthday.

				STUDENT NURSE
		Oh, many happy returns.

				MAUDE
		No. I don't think so.

				HAROLD
		You don't understand. She's
		taken an overdose of pills two
		hours ago. She hasn't got much
		time.

	The intern creeps round from behind.

				INTERN
		Could I have your signature on
		this? It's just a formality.

				MAUDE
		Delighted! I like your hair so
		much.

	She signs.

				INTERN
		It's in case of damage claims,
		you know, so we - the hospital
		- won't be responsible for...

				HEAD NURSE
			(to student nurse)
		Always use a ballpoint pen.
		It's more efficient.

				HAROLD
		Please, don't you realize?
		She is dying.

				MAUDE
		Well, not dying, actually.
		I'm changing. You know, like
		from winter to spring. Of
		course, it is a big step to
		take.

				INTERN
		Not that anything regrettable
		is going to happen. It's just
		regulations .

				HEAD NURSE
		Well, then, perhaps you'd
		better skip the preliminaries
		and get to the important section.

				STUDENT NURSE
		All right. Ah, what is your
		Social Security number?

				INTERN
		Purely a legal safeguard.
		Nothing personal, you understand.

				HEAD NURSE
		No. Ask about the insurance.
		The hospital insurance.

				STUDENT NURSE
		Do you have any insurance?
		Blue Cross? Blue Shield?

				MAUDE
		Insurance against what?

				STUDENT NURSE
		No insurance.

 	She notes it down.

				HAROLD
		This is madness.

				HEAD NURSE
		I'm sorry but there is always
		a two-hour wait for the
		psychiatrist.

				INTERN
		It's nothing personal. It's
		my job.

	A DOCTOR and TWO NURSES enter.

				DOCTOR
		What's the trouble?

				HEAD NURSE
		An overdose of drugs .

				STUDENT NURSE
		Do you have a welfare plan at
		your place of employment?

				MAUDE
		I'm retired.

				HAROLD
		Doctor, please. She has taken
		these pills. You've got to
		do something .

				DOCTOR
		All right. Take her in there.

	They start wheeling her away.

				INTERN
		It's nothing personal.

				STUDENT NURSE
		And who's the next of kin?

				MAUDE
		Humanity...

	She holds the daisy in her hand. She waves to Harold
	as they push her through the doors.

				MAUDE
		Farewell, Harold. It's been
		all such fun.

	The doors swing shut. She is gone. Harold stands alone.

						DISSOLVE TO:


166	INT. HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM - NIGHT TO DAY

	CAMERA LOCKED DOWN. Harold sits on a couch. To his
	right is a window, to his left a chair and a lighted
	lamp. He waits.

						SLOW DISSOLVE TO:


167	SHOT

	Harold sits in the chair. He waits.

						SLOW DISSOLVE TO:


168 	ANOTHER ANGLE

	Harold stands by the window. It is dawn. The lights
	go out. It is daylight. We HEAR the laughter of a
	baby.


169	CLOSEUP - HAROLD

	He is looking out the window.


170	HAROLD'S POV

   	Down on the lawn we see a MOTHER playing with her BABY.
	He is squealing with delight as she lifts him high into
	the air again and again.


171 	EXT. THE HOSPITAL LAWN - CLOSEUP - DAY

	of the mother and the laughing baby.


172 	THEIR POV

	We see Harold standing forlorn at the window.


173 	ANOTHER ANGLE

	The doctor comes up to speak to him. The doctor shakes
	his head.


174 	THEIR POV

	Harold turns back to the window. The doctor leaves.
	All the time the baby is laughing.


175	CLOSEUP - HAROLD

   	We see Harold through the window screen. He is crying.

	He can HEAR the baby's laughter. He turns and walks away.


176	INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR - DAY

	Harold is crying. He walks down the hospital corridor.


177	HIS POV - THE MATERNITY WARD

	He passes the maternity ward. Laughing parents pointing
	at screaming infants. Their noise overrides the
	laughing baby and joins the rising intensity of the
	MUSIC.


178	BACK TO HAROLD

	Harold walks faster. His face is drawn with pain and tears.

	We TRACK before him. He looks left and sees:


179 	A WOMAN

	in a room, delirious with pain.


180 	A MAN

	in disheveled pajamas walks from his room like a
	bewildered child, dribbling food down his front.


181 	BACK TO HAROLD

	He keeps walking fast. He looks right and sees:


182	A FAMILY GROUP

	who have just been told of a death. They cry in each
	other's arms.

	A TEN-YEAR-OLD BOY confused, looks up at them, and
	begins to sob.

						QUICK CUT TO:


183	EXT. A SEA CLIFF ROAD - DAY

	Harold's mini hearse swerves around the corner at high
	speed. Dust rises and tires screech.

   	On the TRACK the crying has stopped but the MUSIC is
	building to a new climax.

						CUT TO:


184	INT. HAROLD'S HEARSE - DAY

	Harold, ignoring the tears rolling down his cheeks,
	grips the wheel hard and drives like a man with an
	unrelenting purpose.


185	EXT. THE ROCKS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE CLIFF

	We see them from the car window.


186	ANGLE - THE CAR

	dangerously close to the edge.


187	CLOSEUP - HAROLD

	He seems possessed.


188  	LOW ANGLE SHOT FROM THE FRONT BUMPER OF THE CAR

	The road rushes past as we maneuver around treacherous
	curves.


189	EXT. THE ROCKS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE CLIFF


190	CLOSEUP - HAROLD

	He makes a sudden right-hand turn and drives out on a
	promontory toward the sea.


191	LOW ANGLE SHOT FROM THE FRONT BUMPER OF THE CAR

	We see dirt and grass race beneath us -

	We bump over rocks -


192	ANGLE

	We see the edge.


193	ANOTHER ANGLE

	We reach the edge of the cliff - we plunge off into
	space....


194	EXT. THE PROMONTORY - EXTREME LONG SHOT - DAY

   	The little hearse falls from the cliff, crashing at the
	bottom, and bursting into flame.


195 	EXT. ON TOP OF THE CLIFF - DAY

	We look down at the burning vehicle. We HOLD and watch
	it burn.


196	LONG SHOT

	Gradually the fire dies down.

	Suddenly we hear the fumbled pluckings of Maude's Song
	on a banjo. It stops.


197	PANNING SHOT

	We PAN up left and there is Harold as large as life.
	He takes a look over the cliff.


198	HIS POV

	His hearse is still quietly burning.


199	BACK TO HAROLD

	He wipes his nose with the back of his hand and tries
	again on the banjo.

	He barely gets the melody started before he is lost.
	Summoning up all his concentration, he tries again, and
	this time he manages to get the fingering right. He
	continues playing and turns away from the edge.


200	EXT. TRACKING SHOT IN FRONT OF HAROLD - DAY

	He started slow but now he is gradually beginning to
	play the song in its original upbeat tempo. He gets
	better and better at it. The song is very catching
	and Harold's tear-stained face registers what could
	be a smile. He walks by the CAMERA and we turn with
	him, and HOLD.

	A full orchestra joins in the playing and we watch
	Harold amble down the road, strumming along, until he
	is only a small figure in the distance.

						FADE OUT.




				THE END











 

